Having grown up with a narcissistic mother and been exposed to other narcissists, I have had to learn a lot about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, and ways to deal with these people.
Recently, I’ve been on the receiving end of yet another narcissistic person’s anger. Thankfully, that person is now out of my life. Since this happened, it made me think that I should share some of the things I’ve learned about people with NPD & ways to deal with them.
The narcissist is always looking for someone too provide their “supply.” That supply may be someone to make them feel good about themselves, someone to listen to them prattle on endlessly, or someone to fix their problems. That is the motivation behind most of their actions- that supply.
Narcissists are self-entitled. They think whatever they want, they should have, no matter the cost to anyone or the pain it may cause them.The desire for their supply and entitlement attitude is why you feel so drained when dealing with a narcissist.
They are “emotional vampires.” They will use you in any way they see fit, as often as they see fit.
Deep down, narcissists are extremely insecure, which is why they come across so confident- they are trying to convince themselves & others they really are great people. They are deathly afraid of their mistakes or inadequacies being revealed, & will do anything to avoid this, no matter who they hurt in the process.
Narcissists are experts at reading and manipulating people. They will mirror your feelings and actions, and say they like the same things you do to get your favor.
Narcissists are abusers- never underestimate them.
They will earn your trust and find out your vulnerabilities. Then, they will use them against you whenever it suits them.
Narcissists have no empathy. If you are needing advice on your troubled marriage or are seeking comfort comfort, don’t seek them from a narcissist- they have no concept of how you are hurting, nor do they care. If it doesn’t affect the narcissist, it doesn’t matter to the narcissist.
Once you have had enough, and decide to put some distance between you and the narcissist or you decide to end your relationship with the narcissist, whether she/he is a friend, family member, or romantic interest, the narcissist’s true colors will show through. Glaringly! They do NOT handle rejection well, and you will be to blame for things not working out. Also, if a narcissist cannot have your love, she will want you to hate her. Love and hate are strong emotions which give a person a degree of control over you. If you feel nothing for or don’t react to a narcissist, she/he absolutely can’t stand that!
There are no really good ways to deal with a narcissist. Ending the relationship is often best, however sometimes you may feel God doesn’t want you to do that, at least not yet. That has been my case with my mother. So, I had to learn a few ways to cope the best I could….
Know your limits- know what you will and will not tolerate. Have firm boundaries that you are willing to enforce. Don’t back down, or the narcissist will run roughshod over them. Give a narcissist an inch, she’ll take a mile.
Refuse to provide the “supply.” Change the subject of the conversation. Interject something positive when she is discussing negative things.
Limit your exposure to the narcissist. Too much time spent with a narcissist never ends well for the “supplier.” You end up tired & irritable, often snapping at those closest to you.