November 17, 2013

Just when I get comfortable thinking I’m finally familiar with C-PTSD, it seems like something else rears its ugly head.  It can be so frustrating!  

Last night, I went to start knitting a hat.  I cast on my stitches (the foundation), then went to join this long trail of stitches into a circle.  I suddenly realized I completely forgot how to do it.  I stared at my knitting needles & yarn for quite some time, but the next step wouldn’t come to me.  My husband asked me what’s wrong & I told him I forgot how to start knitting in the round.  He was surprised, since he knows I have such an addiction to knitting & have since before we met.  He then asked if I was that nervous about Monday, & I realized that must be why I forgot this ridiculously simple task.  Monday I have a doctor’s appointment that I am dreading- not because anything is wrong, it’s a simple check up, but because most of the staff can be so hateful.  It’s very triggering for me.  Unfortunately I’m stuck with them for now, so I must endure the nastiness from these people.  Anyway I hadn’t realized just how anxious i was about this appointment until that moment last night.  That anxiety is filling up my brain too much- so much so, it temporarily pushed out knowing how to do a simple knitting technique.  

I also had a difficult conversation with my mother yesterday afternoon, which added to my anxiety levels being higher.

If this describes you, too, know you aren’t alone.  Yes, it can be so very frustrating to forget things, but it is a part of C-PTSD.  You aren’t crazy.  You have a disorder.  Be understanding of yourself & gentle with yourself when these things happen.  

As for me, I looked up on youtube how to continue knitting on my hat.  I’ll continue working on it this afternoon.  🙂  “Yarn therapy” is very helpful.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health

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