Recently I learned that a man I dated in 1990 committed suicide after killing his male lover. And, the previous week, he was arrested on drunkenly pulling a gun on a woman in his neighborhood. This was a complete shock to me, & I’ve thought so much about it lately. I wondered if I could’ve done something different, or if somehow I set him on this downward spiral, playing things over & over again in my mind…
Today something else came to mind- Borderline Personality Disorder. Some symptoms are:
- unstable personal relationships, going between idealizing & devaluing the other person.
- intense fear of abandonment.
- intense anger- a bad temper.
- clingy in relationships.
- seldom see themselves as the problem.
In my case, this man I dated was very possessive & jealous. He went from treating me like a queen to screaming at me, often in a very short span of time. The night I told him I wanted to end our relationship he screamed at me for several hours. He also wanted to marry me within the first week of our relationship. We ended up engaged, but not because he proposed or gave me a ring- he simply stated that we WOULD get married. He also told me we WOULD have a lot of kids, even though he knew I never wanted to have children. He even wanted me to get rid of my car & drive the car that he thought I should drive. Thankfully, he didn’t hit me, but there were times I was sure he wanted to. I spent our relationship feeling as if I was walking on eggshells. Interestingly, the cat I had just adopted not long before I broke up with this man would NOT leave my side while we were together. I think Magic knew something was very wrong from the beginning- he was a very intuitive cat & very protective of me.
If you are involved with someone who acts like this, do yourself a favor- RUN! It won’t take long & you will begin to wonder if you’re crazy. You will feel guilty constantly, even when you have no reason to. You will feel like you must watch every word you say & everything you do, so you don’t upset him. People with BPD can be dangerous to themselves and/or others. After all, look what happened to my ex boyfriend & his lover.
If this describes you, you aren’t alone! Many of us have been in this situation! May God strengthen you & keep you safe!