This past week has been very hard for me.
As I mentioned last week in THIS BLOG POST, I learned that a man I dated a long time ago recently killed his male lover, then himself. I have been in shock since learning about what happened last Tuesday. Thankfully, it’s all starting to really sink in, & I’m feeling a bit better.
I’ve noticed though that some folks who know me & know what happened haven’t been overly understanding. While I get not everyone understands this situation since most people haven’t been in it, it still triggered an automatic reaction in me that I learned when I was a child- if someone invalidates my feelings, I need to push my feelings aside & not bother anyone with them.
This is completely unhealthy, & I wouldn’t be surprised at all if it contributed to the complex ptsd showing up in the spring of 2012.
I fight this behavior every time it comes up, which is very often.
Just because other people don’t understand, or try to understand, the pain you are in, doesn’t make it any less painful. You need to learn to ignore what others say & listen to your own instincts & feelings. If you are hurting or angry, then honor that! Deal with your pain accordingly. Just because something might not upset another person doesn’t mean they are right & you are wrong. You are individuals, & people are affected by things differently. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS!
In my case, I am finally coming to grips with the fact I once shared my life with a man who used me to cover up his homosexuality, & was a murderer. This isn’t an easy pill to swallow! I don’t understand how anyone could feel otherwise.
If you have someone in your life who frequently tells you things like you’re oversensitive, overreacting, reading too much into a situation, etc., that person is invalidating you. For more information on that topic, please visit this link to my website: Invalidation. Invalidation isn’t only painful & frustrating, it is abuse. You don’t have to put up with it!