As I’m getting older, I have much less patience with head games. They infuriate me. The good part, however, is I’m much better at getting under the skin of the player when they attempt their games, which really upsets narcissists. *evil laughs* lol
For those of you who also have a narcissistic mother like me, be encouraged! This can happen to you too, & it is a good thing!
I have been asked many times why I speak to my mother. Why not cut ties? It’d be easier! Well, yes it would, but I don’t believe that is what God wants of me. Plus, I’m any only child, & my folks are getting older, in their 70’s. They need my help sometimes. And, in learning better ways to deal with them, I can share my knowledge with other adult children of narcissistic parents. So, get ready to learn from my experience…
I’m not saying be mean or sink to their level. I’m saying get creative in how you respond & how you set boundaries. Ask God to give you creative, effective ways to cope. I asked God for help in these areas, & wow, have I gotten it. I hadn’t realized just how much until today..
My mother called this morning. Recently, my folks ran into my fourth grade teacher at the restaurant where he now works. My mother gave him my phone number. When she called today, she asked if he called me, repeating how when she saw him, she told him I don’t work. (My mother doesn’t acknowledge me as an author, & insults my writing if she overhears me discussing it.) Since he hasn’t called, she suggested we meet at the restaurant next Wednesday for breakfast so I can see him (more likely, so she can show him how close we are. Yes, I know- ridiculous, but it’s all about appearances yanno!). I thought quickly, & had an idea. I said yes, that’s fine, & we hung up shortly after. I then put my plan into action…
I made myself new business cards today. I decided that when I see my former teacher, I’ll hand him one in front of my mother. This will serve two purposes- I can let this nice man know the truth about what I really do for a living, & let my mother know I won’t tolerate her attempt to make me look lazy or bad any longer. Yet, since I won’t be confronting her, she will know she can’t respond to me without looking bad. She will be forced to either stew quietly in her anger, or speak up, & look foolish.
Evil genius, no? lol
The only potential problem I foresee is my mother either having a narcissistic rage (it has been a while- she’s due for one), acting even crueler with me, or maybe even giving me the silent treatment, because on the card, I mention that I write about surviving abuse. She demanded secrecy from me growing up, not wanting me talking about her actions to anyone. I’m not sure how she will handle me being open now that I’m an adult. I guess I’ll find out in the near future. Either way is fine with me. She can’t hurt me any longer. And, it feels so good to set boundaries with my mother! So good, it negates a lot of things she says & does to hurt me in retaliation.
In case you’re interested, here is a picture of my new business card… 🙂