I’ve Been Thinking…

Today, I’ve thought a lot about yesterday’s disastrous episode with my parents.  I’m somewhat angry with myself for not handling things better with my mother, but it’s hard to deal with a malignant narcissist.  More like impossible, especially when she is out for blood.  Which led me to think- why was she especially vicious?  I believe jealousy is the answer.
I believe insecurity & jealousy often go together.  A secure person doesn’t feel jealous over the blessings another has, only an insecure person does.  And, those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are extremely insecure.  (That is why they act as if they’re so superior- they’re trying to convince themselves & everyone else how great they are.)  So yesterday, my mother’s friend set the wheels in motion to trigger my mother’s insecurities & jealousy by repeatedly saying how pretty I am.  My mother responded first by cutting this lady off each time she said it.  Once she left, my mother told me she is, “very slow,” & “not very bright.”.   I only can assume to discredit the validity of the complements.  Obviously, what she thinks doesn’t matter since she isn’t smart.  Funny- she seemed nice, caring & even intelligent to me.  Anyway, as I posted yesterday, the rest of our time together was a disaster. 
This type of situation has happened many times. I go out with my parents, they see someone they know, that person complements me or nice to me, then the rest of the visit with my mother is full of nastiness.
Jealousy isn’t pretty, is it?
It’s mind boggling too.  I don’t see why my mother is so jealous of me, but she obviously is.  It’s sad, but mostly maddening.  I am so tired of not so much her lack of love & approval, but the constant reminders from her that I’m just not the daughter she wanted in any way, shape or form.  They hurt!
I was hoping as I wrote this, I might gain some insight on how to cope with the malignant narcissistic mother’s jealousy & hopefully help others as well as myself.  Unfortunately, nothing new came to me.  Distance & reinforcing healthy boundaries are the only ideas I have. 
If your narcissistic mother treats you the way mine treats me, just know you aren’t alone.  I understand your pain & frustration.   ❤ ❤

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2 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

2 responses to “I’ve Been Thinking…

  1. I know exactly how you feel. When I was pregnant and went for a family dinner and an uncle said I was looking well, my mother barged in and said oh, don’t you see how fat she’s become? Sigh.

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