Good evening, Dear Readers.
Thank you as always for your patience with me during this difficult time. When I am going through things, I deal with it by hibernating. I’ve always coped alone; it’s an old habit. Suddenly I realize time has passed, & I haven’t blogged in a while. Oops..
Since my last entry, I have been sick. Apparently, all of the very painful events of late along with anxiety over the drive to my aunt’s memorial service took a toll on me. As a result, I couldn’t go to her service. I want to go- my aunt meant a lot to me plus I love seeing my family – so I was very disappointed.
I hadn’t realized this could happen. Usually stress means I get headaches, muscle aches, my back may hurt intensely, even though it isn’t injured or I get a mildly upset stomach. Not this time- I was sure I’d caught a bug. I was very nauseous & unable to eat for a couple of days. I had a slight fever, & every part of my body hurt. I had constant hot & cold flashes. Thankfully it’s all improving, but still..wow. I realized it was anxiety when I was starting to improve, then a person I find stressful emailed me, & my symptoms immediately got worse.
If you have physical reactions to anxiety &/or depression too, know you are not alone! I know first hand how annoying it can be. Missing my aunt’s service & not seeing my family that I love dearly hurt me. It also made me feel hypocritical since my last blog entry, I said I was trusting God to calm my anxiety enough that I could make the hour long drive down home for the service.
Instead of focusing on those things, though, I am trying to remember that it’s OK. My family understands. Also, C-PTSD is a real sickness with real symptoms. This sort of thing happens sometimes. It just means I need to take better care of myself, & be gentler & more understanding with myself. One thing I’ve noticed about many of us with C-PTSD is we do have trouble with those things. Maybe from growing up with the knowledge our needs mattered to no one. It’s a faulty belief- one that we must work on changing so we can take proper care of ourselves. We are worth it! ❤