Good afternoon, Dear Readers.
I turned on my television today, & in a very short span of time, saw more ads regarding Mother’s Day than I can remember. I quickly turned it back off rather than listen to the drivel about how wonderful all mothers are, & how much they deserve jewelry & flowers on May 11th.
Since I’m hardly the only daughter of a narcissistic mother, I thought I’d write about what Mother’s Day can mean to us.
It is the day we dread most of the year, isn’t it? It certainly is for me. It’s so hard to want to celebrate your mother when she has done her best to make your life a living hell ever since you were born. Plus, you know she expects admiration, gifts & cards. Not fun. Especially when it seems like everyone thinks you should fawn all over your mother, no matter how she treats you.
Society can be so dysfunctional.
I know all too well that commandment that says we should honor our parents. However, I don’t believe it’s honorable to shower any abuser, even a parent, with insincere praise & gifts. Honoring someone God’s way means showing them respect & courtesy, not being fake. Besides, such a demonstration rewards bad behavior. It shows your mother she can do anything to you that she wants to do, & you still will pamper her. How is that honorable?
So what is a good, honorable way to handle such a difficult day with your narcissistic, abusive mother? To start with, pray. Ask God what He wants you to do, & how to handle Mother’s Day. He will give you the best advice you can ask for. Also, follow what you feel in your heart that you’re capable of doing. If it isn’t much, don’t feel bad! Any abusive mother is blessed if her adult child has any relationship with her at all, because even if she has changed for the better, child abuse causes pain & scars that last a lifetime. By having a relationship with your narcissistic mother, you’re showing what a kind, good person you are.
Whatever you do for your mother, do it with excellence. I’m not saying buy her a huge diamond ring when you barely can pay rent. What I mean is do your best even if it’s something small. Every year, I mail my mother the nicest, prettiest card I can find. I know she takes the messages to heart in cards, so I find the prettiest one I can find, with a picture I know she’ll like, & the simplest verse. Something like, “Happy Mother’s Day! Enjoy!” I’m not above finding a pretty, blank on the inside card if I can’t find one that is simple enough for my liking. I can’t feel right about giving my mother some fake, “You’re the best mom ever!” kind of card that I don’t mean. But, I’m fine with a pretty card wishing her a nice Mother’s Day. And, she seems satisfied with the cards. It works for us both.
Granted, what I do for my mother isn’t much compared to others, but I’m honestly not capable of doing more after a lifetime of abuse. I believe God prefers His children to be sincere rather than phoney. You need to remember that what you do to genuinely bless your mother, on Mother’s Day & every day, will give you peace, & God will be proud of you.
Also, don’t forget to be good to yourself on Mother’s Day! Whether you have kids or furkids like I do, you’re still a mom! Or, if you don’t have either, that’s ok- take care of yourself on a difficult day. You deserve it! 🙂
There is one last thing I feel I should share with you. I’ve often berated myself for not being a better daughter- for not calling my parents more often, or suggesting we do things together. (Usually this happens around Mother’s or Father’s Day). Sadly, I can’t make myself improve in these areas- I’ve tried! But do you know what? After praying about it, God showed me that under the circumstances, I’m not a bad daughter. My parents have abused me, & shown no remorse for it. They’re lucky I speak to them at all, & me not wanting to spend time with them is normal. They are reaping what they’ve sown. Keep this in mind regarding your situation, too. Everyone reaps what they sow, whether they sow good or bad things. I know it can be hard to remember sometimes, but remember it anyway. ❤