Arguing With A Narcissist

Arguing with a narcissist is among the most frustrating things a person can do. You’re always wrong, overreacting, unreasonable or reading into things. They also love the game of staying calm while infuriating you, so when you yell, they look like the sane one & you look crazy. They won’t hesitate to point this out either. They employ gaslighting, saying things didn’t happen the way you think they did, or things didn’t happen at all. This is to make you doubt your perception of what really happened. I think the narcissist wants it to happen something like this:

(Watch video at 3:15-3:45)

When this happens, don’t worry- you are NOT crazy! You are NOT overreacting or anything else the narcissist says to you. The narcissist is the one with the problems. You are merely responding normally to an excessive amount of crazy making.

You need to protect your mental health, which isn’t always easy with a narcissist. Stay as calm as you can, otherwise the narcissist will turn into the victim of your “unreasonable” anger. Then step away from the argument. Leave the room or hang up the phone. Refuse to allow it to continue, because the longer it continues, the more the narcissist is convinced she is the victim, not you, & the more damage she can do to you.


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

4 responses to “Arguing With A Narcissist

  1. betternotbroken

    I hope people listen to you, YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. There is no point in arguing with a narcissist, it only deteriorates your own clarity. Excellent message.


    • Thank you! I truly hope they do listen & can learn from my mistakes & experiences- that’s why I write about these things. & you’re absolutely right- arguing with a narcissist definitely deteriorates your own clarity. I have ended up completely flustered many times after going in confident. It’s amazing how they are!

      Have a blessed day!


  2. A,S

    I can totally relate to what you say, and you articulate your message so well. The N can really turn a situation around and pin point on you, and this ends up making you feel bad, almost wishing you hadn’t bothered. The N’s way of life is almost wanting to live in the, ‘honeymoon period’ all the time. By this I mean he’s happy to have fun, laugh and banter but the moment you get serious for a serious reason because of his unreasonable behaviour then we’re apparently the unreasonable one. Leaves me with saying, You can not reason with the unreasonable.

    All the best 🙂


    • Thank you, A.S.!

      They really can turn things around, can’t they? Even when you witness it first hand, it’s still so hard to figure out how it happened sometimes.

      I like what you said, “you cannot reason with the unreasonable.” Is that ever true! Thank you for sharing. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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