I was reading this morning about society’s disdain for “victims” even to the point of blaming them. Although I hadn’t thought much about this until reading it, I have to agree- it’s very dysfunctional & shaming.
I honestly get tired of hearing things like, “the strongest people fight battles behind closed doors that no one knows about.” In other words, “keep your problems to yourself, & you’re weak if you talk about them.” Well, I totally disagree with that.
First of all, victims have no control over being victims. Period. And, being a victim doesn’t make you weak- it means you were subjected to abuse by a cruel, heartless person. That can happen to anyone, weak or strong, highly intelligent or not very smart. Saying, or even simply implying anything else just makes me angry!
Secondly, talking about what happened not only helps you to cope, but helps to raise awareness of things like child abuse & mental illness. By nature, I’m extremely introverted, & rarely talk to anyone about my problems. I don’t like talking about the abuse I’ve gone through or the C-PTSD I live with daily. However, I believe God wants me to talk about these things, & since I’ve become more open (writing books & blogging) about my experiences, things have begun to change. I have learned so much about C-PTSD, long term effects of child abuse, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, surviving a narcissist’s abuse & how to deal with a narcissist. This has helped me to learn that I’m really ok! I’m not crazy- I’ve reacted normally to abuse in my life. And, in addition to helping myself, I have been able to help many other people. I don’t even know how many emails I’ve received from people telling me that something I wrote helped them or inspired them. That is incredibly rewarding for me, & helpful for them.
Also, some people who at least realize being a victim is beyond your control still have warped views of the healing process. Many people think healing is a steady, positive thing. Onward & upward! Uh, no. It’s not even close.
There is nothing simple or easy about healing. The healing journey is a very windy, twisted road- sometimes you can move forward pretty easily, but often you take many curves & sometimes even go backwards.
And, there is no time limit on healing. So many people think you should be able to “get over it” quickly, when in fact, everyone is different. Some people survive abuse with very few problems, while others suffer their entire lives. Everyone is different, & just because you were able to move on quickly doesn’t mean someone else is as well.