Safe vs. Unsafe People

Good day, Dear Readers!

Over the last few years, I have reached the end of my tolerance for dealing with abusive, selfish, manipulative or narcissistic people. Having dealt with a couple of people like this recently, I thought I’d share some ways to recognize safe people vs. unsafe people.  So many people who have survived some type of abuse often attract unsafe people, & have trouble recognizing safe people.  I was that way too, but have learned the difference.  I hope this post will help you to learn the difference!

Safe people respect your time- they don’t assume you are going to wait for them to call or show up at a certain place. Unsafe people, however, have no respect for your time or life.

Safe people ask, rather than make demands. Unsafe people are entitled, believing they deserve whatever they want or need, even at the expense of others.

Safe people do not jump to conclusions. For example, if you don’t answer the phone, they don’t call you back 15 times in a row. Safe people assume you are unavailable, & either wait for you to call them back or they call you back several hours later or the next day. Unsafe people call you back repeatedly, assume you didn’t answer the phone because you are mad at them, or try to make you feel guilty or get mad at you for not answering their call. That is a control tactic- forcing you to deal with them on their terms.

Safe people aren’t judgmental & critical. They don’t say things like, “well if I were you, I would-” or judge or criticize you for decisions you make, things you like, etc. Those are invalidating behaviors are cruel!

Safe people help & support you, rather than mock you or tell you how your problem affects them. This is a huge pet peeve of mine, as I have experienced this many times. The day my dog, Danya, died suddenly & unexpectedly, while my husband & I were trying to gather his body (he was over 100lbs- not easy to move him!) to take him to the vet’s for cremation, my mother called. I told her what happened & what we were doing. She went on & on about how upset she was over his death, not asking once how my husband, I or our pets were doing.

Safe people don’t expect you to be their “trash can.” What I mean is when a person dumps all of their problems on you, & expects you to listen to whatever they want to talk about while ignoring anything you have to say. That is being a trash can. Unsafe people do this trash can thing all of the time.

I hope this helps you to recognize the safe, good people in your life. Remember, you deserve to be surrounded by safe, loving, compassionate, empathetic people. You do NOT deserve to be abused & mistreated!


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

5 responses to “Safe vs. Unsafe People

  1. betternotbroken

    This is an awesome post and a beautiful way to phrase it, I usually call them healthy people versus unhealthy people but I like the way you have expressed it here. I am sharing it with my oldest child.


    • Thank you, my friend. 🙂 I’m sorry- for the life of me I can’t recall the age of your oldest child, but if you think it is age appropriate, there is a wonderful book called, “Safe People” by I think Dr. John Townsend, one of the authors of “Boundaries.”. It is a VERY good read, & clearly teaches how to recognize safe & unsafe people. It taught me a great deal!


      • betternotbroken

        Thank you so much for the recommendation, I have not read that book and will add it and Boundaries to my Want to Read selection for both me and my children.


  2. Rhonda

    Amen and amen Sista!!!


    • lol Thank you Rhonda!!! 🙂

      To those of you who don’t know, Rhonda is one of the most awesome people ever, & I am proud to say also one of my best friends ever. She has helped me learn to identify the safe people, & listened to me rant about the unsafe ones. She’s also helped me heal & taught me so much. So she gets a shout out just because she is awesome.. love ya girlfriend! ❤


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