Good day, Dear Readers!
I just wanted to let you know that I may be awol for a while. My father is in the hospital as of yesterday. It doesn’t sound terribly serious so far, at least, but any prayers for him are appreciated anyway! 🙂
I’d also like some prayers for myself, as I am extremely stressed. My husband & I have plenty of crises going on right now in addition to this, & I am overwhelmed to say the least. I need to focus on self-care, which is terribly hard for me. I feel selfish when I take care of myself, plus it seems like things need my attention almost 24/7 right now. It’s extremely stressful, especially with C-PTSD. The stress has my moods flying all over the place, I’m exhausted, my whole body hurts but especially my back & arthritis, anxiety is off the charts high & the hyper-vigilance is especially bad. ARGH!!!!
Plus, many people have the false belief that I am the one who needs to take care of my father, even though my mother is still well able to do so. I don’t have the patience for this- I’ve always been my father’s emotional caregiver, & am worn out with caring for him! I understand the mechanics of this false belief- my father has had serious health problems his whole life & nearly died..in fact, he died on the operating table during brain surgery after a car wreck as a teen, & they brought him back. My grandparents spoiled him a bit out of love. Somehow this morphed into family thinking he always should be coddled & spoiled. Then it became my place do be the primary coddler-spoiler once I became an adult. Understanding this doesn’t mean it is right though!
And, any time my father has been in the hospital, at least 1 relative has chewed me out for something petty, such as using facebook to give updates rather than call. Well, I do that because there are a lot of Baileys! It’s too many to call- facebook offers an easy platform to contact many people at once who can share the news with others. Plus, after dealing with a lot each day when he’s ill (doctors, my mother, the hospital..) I just am not up to dealing with more people. They also fail to realize they are lucky they know anything about him, as my mother refuses to call any of them to give updates- I am doing them a favor.
Yes, I’m angry about that right now. I feel like when I post an update, I have just thrown a grenade & am waiting for the explosion. It’s not fair I have to feel this way.
Let’s also not forget, my parents are both narcissistic. Always makes dealing with them interesting to say the very least…
Angry & overwhelmed.. tons of fun for my already busy C-PTSD brain. ARGH!!
I’m sorry to be so negative today, but you readers know I’m all about being real-good, bad & ugly. I just wanted to let you know what is happening & why I may not be around much for a few days or so. I’ll try to write something more encouraging soon. Thank you for your patience with me & your understanding! I love you & am praying for you! ❤