Have you ever wondered what makes someone a narcissist? I have, & I believe many factors can create narcissistic personality disorder.
I think one factor that contributes to narcissism is a lack of consequences.
People need consequences for their actions, good or bad. Consequences teach people, & help them to grow. Yet it seems to me many narcissists never have had to face consequences like most people.
My mother is a prime example of this. Her parents separated when she was very young, & her mother kept her & her sister away from their father. Obviously, this means no consequences from him as a child. Her mother simply didn’t care for her, & let her do whatever she liked with no discipline. This taught my mother early that she could do whatever she pleased with no repercussions. As an adult, no one speaks up to her about anything. She insults people, & they take it quietly. My father only confronted her on my behalf twice when I was growing up. Each time, she screamed at him, & he backed down immediately.
I’m the only person in my mother’s life who has given her any real consequences for her actions.
If you consider the narcissist you know, I’m sure you’ll see a similar pattern. They may have been neglected as children, or came from a very large family where they were lost in the crowd. Their parents may have been addicts, too stoned to bother disciplining their child. In any case, this child learns early that she may do as she pleases in life.
A lack of discipline & consequences in childhood also shows a lack of love or care for a child. It’s a narcissistic injury, possibly the ultimate narcissistic injury. This rejection may create a place for narcissistic personality disorder to begin. Narcissists are extremely insecure underneath the mask of arrogance, & what could make someone more insecure than being rejected or ignored by those who are supposed to love you unconditionally?
These are just some random thoughts I had last night. Psychology fascinates me. Plus I believe if you can understand some about the narcissist in your life, it helps you to see that you are OK, that she is the one with the problems.