I’ve been thinking a lot these last couple of weeks.
As many of you know, I’ve spent a great deal of time with my parents trying to help them out while my father has had some pretty serious problems. Not trying to brag, but I’ve helped them a lot. Their friends & family aren’t nearby, so I’ve been their primary help. It’s caused me to think a lot..
Before this happened, I was seriously considering severing ties with my mother. I was fed up with her nastiness. I’d prayed & God said that decision was up to me. Now, I’m glad I decided to hang in there.
It hasn’t been easy doing this. My mother has plenty of nasty moments & when she’s being nicer, it’s only because I’ve done something for her. It’s also been hard stepping out of my comfort zone, which makes the C-PTSD flare up. So badly in fact that I’ve lost 8 pounds in these past 2 weeks. But, good has come from this too…
I’ve realized that although my mother’s niceness often only comes after me blessing her, so long as I remember that, I can enjoy those positive times. We have had some nice conversations lately & some laughs. And, although the nasty moments return, I’m expecting them, so they aren’t devastating. I’ve truly learned to enjoy the good times whenever they come.
I’ve also learned that I really enjoy care giving. Being raised by a narcissistic mother, I learned early how to help & how to anticipate needs, which works well for being a caregiver. For once, I enjoy doing for my parents without expecting anything in return.
There is a peace & joy that comes from helping others, including those who have hurt you. Blessing your enemy (or abusers) as God mentioned in the Bible isn’t just for their benefit. It’s for yours too. It can be hard to do, but it’s well worth it!
Also, I’ve seen God bless me tremendously recently. My parents’ narcissistic ways decreased a lot. Those are miracles in my opinion, whether they’re temporary or permanent! Also, I’ve been blessed financially when I wasn’t expecting it. I’ve received a great deal of love, support & prayers from friends & fans which means more to me than I can say. And, I’ve felt God giving me the strength I need as I need it when the C-PTSD flares up or I feel weak or unable to cope.
I’m glad I haven’t gone no contact at this time. It hasn’t been easy lately but helping them has been an incredible education for me, & even a blessing.
If you’re considering going no contact, please think about what I’ve written. I’m not trying to change your mind if you believe in your heart it’s what you need to do. You know best of course, & often it’s the only choice. There’s no shame in that. But, just be absolutely certain that no contact is the right decision & at the right time for you before cutting ties.