I was thinking about my post from yesterday (see it here), & I want to clarify a couple of things…
First, I hope I didn’t come across saying you need to tolerate abuse from a narcissistic parent, it’s the Godly thing to do or any such nonsense. I simply wanted to give anyone considering going no contact one other point of view to consider. I don’t see tolerating abuse as anything God wants for anyone, or as a healthy, holy thing to do. I see tolerating abuse as dangerous to one’s mental & often physical health.
Second, I also hope I didn’t come across trying to tell anyone what to do. I firmly believe NO ONE has any right to tell you to sever ties with anyone, especially a parent, or to stay in a dysfunctional relationship. If God leaves such a decision up to each of us, why would any person have the right to do otherwise?
Thirdly, I am speaking from my own experiences (good, bad & indifferent) in the hopes of others gleaning something useful from them. I was no contact with my mother for 7 years, & I have been back in relationship with her for almost 8 years so far. When I was no contact with my mother, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt it was the right thing for me at the time, which is why I did it. That 7 years enabled me to learn & grow a lot, so when my mother wanted to renew our relationship, I was able to relate to her in a much healthier way. These past almost 8 years with her back in my life, while our relationship is far from perfect, it has improved drastically, especially these past couple of weeks that we’ve spent so much time together. I’ve relied more on God than ever before & He has gotten me through some very tough times & blessed me tremendously. Also, I’ve learned so much about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which has helped me tremendously. I realized that my mother has NPD a few years ago, & I had to decide- is this something I’m willing to learn to deal with or not? I came very close to cutting ties with her many times, but didn’t feel that certainty that it was right for me as I had before. I’m currently glad I didn’t, which led to yesterday’s post.
Fourth, please remember that I do NOT ever encourage anyone to blindly follow what I write. Think & pray about how it relates to your situation. I’m sure not everything I write will help you, but I’m also sure some of it will. People are all very different, & this is normal.
Lastly, when dealing with a narcissistic parent, always remember some things. There are no black or white, one size fits all solutions. Narcissistic Personality Disorder being a spectrum disorder, no 2 narcissists will behave exactly the same way. It can be difficult & frustrating figuring out how to deal with narcissists because of that, & often times, there is no right or wrong answer. Sometimes there is only a “less wrong” answer. Plus, people respond to abuse differently- what devastates you may not affect someone else as severely or vice versa. Don’t judge yourself or others for how people handle narcissistic abuse. Anyway, when dealing with your own narcissistic parent, do what you believe is right in your heart. Sometimes that may mean going no contact, either permanently or temporarily, other times it isn’t, other times it may mean drastically limiting your contact. None are good or bad- it’s about what is right for you that matters.