Today, hubby & I are having lunch with my parents. Since my mother’s narcissism had returned with a vengeance the last time we spoke on Thursday, I’m guessing today won’t be pleasant.
While thinking about this last night, I realized I wasn’t overly anxious about that as I used to be. Then it hit me- I have self esteem! I’ve learned who God says I am in the Bible, & chosen to believe that over all of the horrible lies my mother told me. God says I am special to Him, He loves me, He had a plan for me long before I was born, & so much more. If you’d like to read about this topic, go to the “Positive Affirmations” link at http://www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com
I’ve also started listening to the complements people say to me. I used to tell people they were wrong, brushing them off, assuming they were only being nice. No more. I still feel a bit awkward when I get a complement, but much better than it once was.
Also, when either getting a complement or reading what God says about His children, I started asking God if that was really true. His validation helped me greatly to accept that these good things were true.
My mother told me that her criticism of me while growing up was for my own good, but it did so much harm! Like so many other children of narcissistic parents, I had no self esteem. It’s only been recently that I started doing the things I mentioned above, & gained some self esteem.
In gaining this new self esteem, I’ve also been able to accept fully that my mother’s narcissism that makes her act this way truly is on her. It has nothing to do with me. No one can make another person behave in that way! No matter how cruel her words, they always say more about her than me. Anyone who tries so hard to hurt another person truly has problems! And, I have the right to protect myself from them on any way I see fit!
I hope what I learned can help you too! If you are unable or unwilling to go no contact with your narcissistic mother, what I learned may help you too. I encourage you to build up your self esteem, with God’s help. Learn what He thinks of you. Listen to complements you get as well, letting them sink in. And always remember- your mother’s cruel words & deeds say nothing about you, but plenty about her! Don’t believe her! xoxo