Good morning, Dear Readers! I thought I’d share what happened yesterday…
I prayed quite a bit before going out with my parents, asking God to give me the right words as I needed them, & the courage to say them. He didn’t fail me!
Time with my folks wasn’t so bad at all. We had a nice conversation with my father. He shared a few stories about his drag racing days when he raced at Old Dominion Speedway in Dumfries, VA. My mother did spend a great deal of time regaling my husband & I with stories of how amazing & adored she is, which, truth be told, was really annoying! However, annoying was as bad as it got. She tried to get in a couple of nasty digs at me, which I responded to with calmness & logic. Amazing how narcissists hate that! They get very disappointed when their attempts to start a fight or even just get under your skin are met with calm instead of rage. At least with rage, they can portray themselves as victims. Calmness? They have nothing to work with! How frustrating for them! HA!
As an example, the Bailey family history book I recently mentioned that my grandmom wrote & I got published? My mother mentioned it during our meal, undoubtedly to criticize yet one more thing I have written,even though I only wrote a portion of it. She said she was surprised to see that my great-grandmom’s name was listed as Minerva Rose, when legally it was Minnie Rose (how cute is that name, by the way?! I just love it!). “That’s just wrong- Minerva wasn’t even her real name!” I responded calmly by saying, “I put it in there as Minerva because that was what she went by & she liked. It isn’t like the book is a legal document.” then started talking to my father about something else. My mother’s response? Silence. She was speechless. How awesome was that?! lol She also said something about my grandmom once being drunk during the afternoon. My grandmom from what I understand from my granddad went through a short time where she drank too much. My mother was disgusted by this & said very angry with Grandmom. I said, “Good grief.. who hasn’t drank too much at some point in their lives?! Everyone has done it.” She retorted with, “Well I certainly NEVER have!” with a haughty attitude (my mother’s family are very much against drinking.. they seem to prefer abusing their children..). I said, “Well, ok, most people have done it. It happens. So what?” then jokingly reminded my father of the day after he graduated high school when his mother found him sleeping it off rolled up in an old carpet… lol (One of the very few times he has ever been drunk in his life, by the way) Again, silence from my mother. I made her speechless twice in one day! This day may go down in history…
It was so nice to come home from a visit not completely frazzled or even angry. I was tired after the visit, but that is because I rarely get decent sleep, & thanks to the agoraphobia, leaving home drains me even under the best of circumstances. For once, being tired had nothing to do with my mother & her emotional vampire ways, I’m happy to say.
If you are forced to deal with a narcissistic mother, then please know I understand how frustrating it can be! Also please remember that staying calm in your responses to her is a powerful weapon. Look what happened with my mother yesterday- I’ve never made her speechless in my life until yesterday! I also learned yesterday how fun it is to see my mother, the one who thinks she knows everything, totally speechless! Not fun out of being vengeful or mean- fun in the fact it showed me that I really do have some power! I don’t want to control her as she always has me, of course, but to have a normal amount of power in a conversation with her as I do with other people was amazing! She tried to upset me by insulting my writing & my grandmom but couldn’t, & I easily could set boundaries with her about something not being up for a topic of conversation.
I believe God enabled me to behave as was necessary, & to maintain my calmness. I also think a contributing factor was what I wrote about in yesterday’s post, about finally having some self-esteem. Being more at peace with myself, plus having a deep revelation on the fact that my mother’s attempting to hurt me is more about her dysfunctional thinking than anything to do with me, really helped me.
I pray what I have been learning lately will help you as well! xoxo