Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I had an especially nasty flashback. Not long after, my mother called. I shouldn’t have answered the phone, but I did anyway. Why is beyond me..this ended up with me feeling awful for the rest of the day, & waking up about every 15-30 minutes all night long. Sometimes from nightmares, sometimes from anxiety attacks, other times from hot or cold flashes.
This morning I woke up very depressed & very exhausted. Unfortunately, when I’m this tired, I think bad thoughts. I ended up feeling so weak. I was angry at myself for not being stronger, & for having C-PTSD. Thankfully, my bad thoughts didn’t get too bad before I got online & read this article….
It gives a very interesting perspective. A perspective I’d never heard of before, suggesting that depressive illness (& those of us with PTSD or C-PTSD know depression all too well) is a sign of strength rather than weakness. Reading the article made perfect sense to me. It says that people who are strong, responsible, diligent, etc. tend to deal with depression more than those who are weak, irresponsible or lazy. The reason being, the responsible types get more stressed- they keep pushing & pushing themselves while their irresponsible counterparts give up. The article explains it much like a blown fuse. Responsible types push & push themselves, basically like pushing 18 amps through a 13 amp fuse.
Interesting perspective, no?
Please read the above article- I believe it will encourage you as it has me.