Recently, I wrote this post about being angry at all of the things I feel have been stolen from me due to having C-PTSD. The anger that was simmering kicked back into overdrive briefly on Tuesday night.
I had to speak with my mother that evening. I ended up pretty angry with her by the time I hung up. Shortly after I got the wonderful call from my vet that I mentioned in this post. In spite of the incredibly good news, I was angry. Although my mother didn’t do it on purpose, I felt like, as usual, she’s interfering in my life & stealing my joy- making me angry at a time when I should’ve been completely happy. I felt in my heart I needed to make a decision at that time..Either continue to be angry or to thank God for & enjoy the wonderful news I had just gotten. I decided to focus on the good news for the night, & deal with my anger at my mother later on. Oddly, this turned out to be a good thing for me in a way..
I feel like I took back some of my power!
I think by being able basically to put my mother aside for a while was helpful for me. It showed me that my mother & her narcissistic ways haven’t stolen everything for me, as it so often feels like. She isn’t in control anymore, & I am more powerful than I feel. Instead of being angry with her & failing to enjoy the miraculous news I’d just received, I was able to refocus my mind onto the good. I had an entire evening of basking in joy, then dealt with the anger the following day.
Have you ever tried anything like this?
In all honesty, I can’t say I’m sure this type of thing is a good thing to do on a regular basis, but doing it once was a good experience for me. It may be for you too. I would encourage you to ask God about it, if you’re in a similar situation. It may help you as well. But, if God advises you against it, please listen to Him & don’t try it!