So much writing you find on the topic of narcissistic mothers says that no contact is the only answer. Just sever ties with her & your life will be so much better, they say. While this certainly is true in many cases, there are also many cases where going no contact isn’t a desired solution, or even a possible solution. Still others know that is their best option, yet don’t feel strong enough to take that step just yet. Others prefer the limited contact option, as I have chosen, where they only speak to their mothers rarely, as they are able to do so.
Normally, it is those who are either unwilling or unable to go no contact I feel strongest about attempting to help with my writing. Today though, I feel I need to write to everyone who either has gone no/low contact, is considering going no/low contact or who is unable or unwilling at this time to go no/low contact.
There are so many people who have very definite feelings on the contact issue, & love to make those feelings known to you at any opportunity. They will state their feelings as if they are not simply the person’s feelings, but the gospel truth. You also may find these opinions on websites or in books. These views will make you feel a plethora of things, such as doubting your decision, feeling stupid for making the decision you’ve made, feeling guilty & more.
I want to encourage you today to ignore the critics! Going no or low contact with your narcissistic mother is a very big decision, one that you & you alone should make for yourself after a great deal of thought & prayer. No one understands exactly how you feel, nor have they experienced the things that you have. They also have no idea how you cope with the abuse your narcissistic mother dishes out, or exactly how much abuse she puts you through. Very few people also truly understand how desperate a person is to consider severing ties with or greatly limiting contact with their own mother, or how much pain they have experienced to even consider such a thing. No contact is far from a black & white issue!
I know it can be very painful when people force their unasked for views on you on this issue, but please please PLEASE- ignore their unsupportive views! Once you have made your decision on how to handle the contact you have with your narcissistic mother, the absolute last thing you need is people telling you how wrong you are or how poorly you’re handling things. Ignore those people! Their opinions are NOT facts, so you do not need to be bothered with them.
Instead, follow what you know in your heart is right for you. I believe those “gut feelings” or intuition are God’s voice telling us what we need to know, so you can’t go wrong if you listen to them, especially listening to them over people who have no idea what they are talking about.
2 responses to “Encouragement For Anyone Who Is Considering Going No Or Low Contact With Their Narcissistic Mother”
Choosing “no contact” was the most difficult decision of my life, I went through so many emotions–guilt, fear, sadness, etc–and it took years to finally make the decision, but it was the BEST decision I have ever made. Without the abusive influence in my life, I became the healthiest, strongest, happiest I have ever been. Its so hard, but so worth it, if you feel it is the right thing for you to do.
It is an incredibly hard decision! Not everyone realizes just how difficult it is. I’m so glad to hear it worked out so well for you though! Good for you!! 😀