So often, you hear people say the past needs to stay in the past. In other words, the past has no bearing on who you are today, so just pretend it never happened. This bothers me- I don’t think that is true at all!
While I’m not saying we need to live in the past, the past whether it is good or bad, has a lot to do with who we are today. Why not accept that fact? Embrace the good parts of the past & learn from the bad.
I understand this can be hard for the adult child of a narcissistic parent. Either you become so angry you constantly remember the bad things, or you have been through so much pain you want to forget you even have a past. Or, you swing between the two extremes. But please consider having balance!
Although the past was painful, there must have been some positive in there somewhere. For me, it was my paternal grandparents. They taught me a great deal about love & how to treat people. They also loved animals & I learned how to not only love but also respect animals & care for them as well. I also learned about cars from my father. He used to be able to look at almost any car & tell you the year, make & model, & he taught me the same thing. He also taught me some about engines & car maintenance. And yes, some positive even came from my narcissistic mother. She taught me how to crochet when I was five years old, & it’s a skill I still enjoy. She also is an avid reader & instilled a love of books in me.
As for the bad in the past, good can come from bad as well. For example, thanks to being raised by narcissistic parents, I’ve learned to be very sensitive to people. I can tell when they are hurting even before they say it, & often know how to help them through their pain if they want help. Being raised by narcissistic parents gives you a great ability to read people. It also makes you caring, because you know what it feels like to be hurt, & you don’t want others to feel that same misery. (Obviously, I can’t say I’m grateful for surviving narcissistic abuse as I’m sure you can’t. I’m simply saying that something positive came from it)
If you can’t find the good, then ask God to show you. While He certainly didn’t want anything bad to happen to you, He can bring good out of a bad situation. He also wants you to learn & grow, & will be glad to help you do so.