Lately, I’ve been reading some about emotional neglect & criticism, & their detrimental effects, especially on children. They can cause anxiety & toxic shame, both of which are absolutely horrible to live with.
I’ve been seeing lately how much anxiety & shame I carry, & as I mentioned in this post, now I understand why I have them. When a parent doesn’t care about their child’s feelings, acts as if the child is a bother &/or is overly critical, seeds get sown in the child. The child becomes fearful. She learns early that people will hurt her with their words or actions (or both), & no one will protect her, not even her parents. She also internalizes the fact no one cares enough to protect her, & becomes deeply ashamed of who she is. After all, if her own parents don’t love her enough to care about & for her, she must be deeply flawed, unlovable, a terrible person. Or so she believes.
These dysfunctional beliefs carry into adulthood. It means she settles for dysfunctional or abusive relationships (friendships or romantic relationships), lives with extreme anxiety especially when dealing with other people, has a hard time asking for assistance, & doesn’t believe she is worthy. Worthy of what? Pretty much anything! Anything from setting healthy boundaries to taking care of her health to getting new clothes because her old ones are worn out & more.
It is a miserable way to live, & no one should have to live like this! If you recognize yourself in this post, then please read my other post I mentioned above. In it, I offer some ways I think can help you overcome toxic shame. As it diminishes, the anxiety should follow. It has for me.
I’m praying for you, Dear Reader. May God bless you, & help you to overcome the pain of toxic shame & anxiety! xoxo
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 