As many of you know, I absolutely love animals. I’m currently the very proud mama to 9 cats, 1 dog & 1 finch. If I can brag a bit, they are all very well behaved (not perfect, but pretty impressive anyway!), happy, affectionate, gentle, sweet & very caring. I think they’re pretty awesome, & am happy to say that people who meet them seem to share my opinion.
Except for my narcissistic mother & mother in-law.
Before my mother in-law met them (& she met them only one time), she told me I had too many cats & needed to get rid of them. She also told my sister in-law the same thing. The one time she met all of the cats I had at the time, she looked at them with such disdain. In fact, when she entered the room, they all gathered close around me very protectively. Magic, the head of our family at the time, sat on my lap, swishing his tail angrily & looking at her with the evil kitty eye until she left us alone. Magic met her one more time, in her home, & promptly pooped on her carpet. Needless to say, Magic was my favorite cat I’ve ever had..lol
As for my mother, the cats don’t like her & with good reason. She insults them. This one is too skinny is she sick, the other one is so rude & too pushy with wanting affection, the cat she used to have weighed 13 pounds & that one over there is obviously way more than 13 so he is way too fat & needs to go on a diet! Although many people think animals don’t understand words, only the tone of voice, mine are proof that is not true. Each time she has insulted them, they give her this look like they’re thinking “Well screw you then, Lady..” & walk off, refusing to give her more attention. It got so bad, I told her repeatedly that if she can’t be civil to my pets, she is no longer welcome in my home. As a result, she didn’t set foot inside my home for over 3 years. I guess insulting my pets is really important to her.
Do these scenarios remind you of your narcissistic mother?
If they do, I want to urge you today to pay close attention to how she is with your furbabies & protect them! The same hurt you feel when she insults you, they feel when she insults them. It’s not fair, especially since they can’t fight back like people can. They are completely innocent victims, & deserve your protection. As the pet parent, it is your job to protect them from any & all dangers, & that includes your narcissistic mother.
Doing this isn’t easy at first, I know. My mother completely ignored me time & time again when I told her to knock it off- don’t talk to them that way. I figured out why though- I was livid with her & didn’t mind showing it. She fed off the fact she upset me, just like any narcissist does. Me being upset only made her mistreat my animals more & more.
The secret to dealing with a narcissist is to stay calm- don’t let them see you’re upset! Remain calm & collected in their presence. (Once they are gone, rant & rage all you want though!) Calmly state to her that you won’t tolerate whatever it is she is doing to your pet. Never admit that it upsets you, however! Just calmly state that you don’t let people talk to your pet that way or you don’t allow your pet to eat that type of food or whatever the situation is. Offer no explanations at all- it is simply something you don’t tolerate. If she continues, remind her of what you said. If she still continues, walk over to her, pull your pet away from her & keep him or her at your side until your mother leaves. If she tries to call your pet to her, tell her no- the pet stays with you. She may at some point say something about you being oversensitive, she was just teasing, she just thought your pet would like that treat, etc. Ignore the innocent act & stick to your guns. Let her know that certain things are not tolerated & if she insists on treating your pet the way she thinks he/she should be treated instead of how you know is best, then she won’t be welcome in your home any longer.
I know this may be hard at first, but do it anyway! Your narcissistic mother is trying to hurt you by using your pet. If she can’t hurt you directly anymore either by beating you or by insulting you (eventually we all develop a pretty thick skin to her insults & become like an insult Navy seal..), she’ll look for new ways to hurt you which is where your pets come into play. Don’t let her get away with hurting you or your pet! It’s not fair to either one of you! Protect your furbaby just as much as you would protect a human baby- they are equally innocent & undeserving of abuse!