Mother’s Day is fast approaching. It is possibly the least favorite day of the year for children of narcissistic parents. It’s so hard to find just the right card- something nice, but not too nice as you can’t stand giving her a card thanking her for always being there for you, for her unfailing love, etc. Then there is the gift- should you get her something? If so, what? Chances are she won’t like what you give her anyway, so is a gift even worth it? And, we can’t forget the messages everywhere- on facebook, in stores, online- that say “Don’t forget your mother this Mother’s Day!” (as if we could forget her?!), “She’s always been there for you- give her *fill in the blank* for Mother’s Day!” & other such messages about how great Mom really is. There are also friends & family who tell you that you should do something nice for your mother on Mother’s Day. After all, if it weren’t for her, you wouldn’t be here! She did the best she could! She’s your MOTHER!!! Can’t you just give her this one day?!
Mother’s day pretty much sucks for us who have narcissistic mothers.
If you too are dreading tomorrow, just know that you’re not alone! Many others share your feelings of this disturbing day.
I would like to encourage you to take care of yourself as best you can. Do what you feel you need to regarding your mother. Give her a simple card &/or gift, or do nothing for her- whatever you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. If you aren’t sure, pray. God will guide you as to what is the best way to handle this. Once you have done what you need to do for your mother, then let go of thinking about the day & take care of yourself. If you have children, celebrate with them. If not, enjoy your day however you see fit- go to a spa, buy the new book you’ve been wanting, spend the day at a museum. Do something that you enjoy & that doesn’t involve anything to do with your narcissistic mother.
This may sound disrespectful to you, especially if you are new to learning about narcissism, but rest assured, it’s not. Remember, people reap what they sow. Reaping & sowing a law of the universe- if you plant cantaloupe seeds, you get a harvest of cantaloupe, right? It’s the same thing with behavior. If you kick a dog every time every time he comes near you, he learns to run the other way when he sees you coming. Adult children of narcissistic parents eventually behave much like that kicked dog- we eventually don’t want to spend time with our parents & will go to great lengths to avoid it. It’s often not even a deliberate decision- it just seems to happen because we’re tired of the cruelty. That is your narcissistic mother reaping what she has sown.
So I encourage you- enjoy Mother’s Day your way, guilt-free! What can you do to make it a good day for you?
2 responses to “Mother’s Day For Adult Children Of Narcissistic Mothers”
I’ve cut off contact with my abusive mother. In the past I’ve always hated Mother’s Day because of the messages “We all have great mothers” and “remember to thank your mother”. All I could thank her for is for not actually killing me even though she tried.
But I’ve decided this year to focus on mother-figures in my life, friends who have nurtured and helped me in some way, they are “mothers” who ARE great and do deserve thanks!
Good fir you, Keen. What a lovely way to celebrate mother’s day! xoxo
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