Valuable Lessons About Dealing With A Narcissistic Mother

Recently I had a very strange dream.  When God showed me what it meant,  I knew I had to share  it’s meaning with you.

God showed me the dream meant a few things.

For one  thing, my mother uses the things I love & am passionate about to hurt me.  She wants to destroy my identity.  If she destroys who I am, she can make me into what she wants me to be.  Chances are, your narcissistic mother does exactly the same thing. Does she viciously criticize or trivialize those people or things you love the most?  If she can make you turn against those things, she has destroyed a part of you.  Don’t let her do that!  God gave everyone passions for a reason. They are your purpose in life.  Your narcissistic mother has no right to steal them from you!

Another aspect of the dream showed me the answer to a question I’ve had for many years.  During her worst narcissistic rages, my mother’s eyes would turn black.  It used to terrify me, because I never know what was coming next, but I knew it wasn’t going to be good.  (The night my mother threw me into a wall, her eyes turned black just before she did it.)  Several other adult children of narcissistic parents have told me they experienced the same thing.  Anyway, the dream showed me that the reason this happens is because she has reached the point where she can no longer conceal her hatred for me. That is why the following narcissistic rages are so vicious. Thankfully I haven’t seen her eyes turn black in years, but I now know if they change color, it’s time to leave, & leave quickly!

Lastly, the dream gave me a valuable reminder.  When dealing with your narcissistic mother, always remain calm, & share no  signs of your emotions with her.  Sharing any signs of emotions will trigger a reaction from her.  Anger or hurt feeds a narcissist- she will continue to do whatever it is that is angering or hurting you until she destroys you completely if she can. Joy isn’t good either, because she will destroy that happiness you feel. (She may say things like, “What do you have to be so happy about anyway?”)  She wants you to be as miserable, hurting, angry & empty inside as she feels, & will stop at nothing to make that happen.

I hope what this dream taught me helps you as much as it helped me.



Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

2 responses to “Valuable Lessons About Dealing With A Narcissistic Mother

  1. lynettedavis

    You really hit on something when you said, show no emotions. I had learned this lesson very well by the age of 10, which is when I realized that my mother enjoyed when I was unhappy. For this reason, I vowed to never let her see me cry. I also learned, a few years later, not to let my mother know when I was happy about anything, no matter how small, because she would surely make sure that I was unhappy. And when my mother was in one of her rages, I learned not to show any emotions, one way or the other–not to even flinch. It’s really amazing to me how children of narcissist’s stories are different, but they all have the same common threads running through them.


    • Yes it is amazing. It’s like these narcissistic parents all read from the same rulebook. They all know the goal is to hurt their child & may get to the end result a bit differently, but they get there.

      It’s probably good in a way you learned that lesson so early with your mother about showing no emotions. I was in my teens before I caught on, & still slipped up often. Wish I would’ve learned it sooner!


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s