You’re So Much More Than Someone Who Survived Narcissistic Abuse!

Sometimes I feel like all I am is a narcissistic abuse survivor.  Writing about this topic is not for the faint of heart, & certainly not what I expected to be doing as an author.  But, I feel this is what God wants, so I’m obeying gladly.

Even so, there are still some times that I feel like that’s all I am.

When I got carbon monoxide poisoning last February, I came pretty close to death.  It caused me to do a great deal of soul searching. Among other things, I thought about this & realized I pretty much had become just someone who survived narcissistic abuse.  Frankly, it was depressing.  Surviving a narcissist with your sanity in tact is certainly something to be proud of, but even so.. what about other things?  I’d lost some things I once enjoyed- for some reason, knitting & crocheting became uninteresting to me instead of hobbies I once loved.  Thanks to the C-PTSD, reading has become hard for me as my brain feels overwhelmed if I look at the pages in a book too long.  I felt empty.

I often write about the value of taking breaks from your healing & learning about narcissism.  You simply can’t focus on such deep, heavy topics constantly & maintain any joy.  I think it is equally valuable to take time to get to know yourself though.  Truly get to know the person God has made you to be.

I have focused on this quite a bit since February.  It’s turning into a very good thing.  Getting to know me has helped me to be more comfortable in my own skin.  I’ve begun to take better care of myself with less guilt.  It has helped tremendously in reducing my anxiety levels as well.  I realized this recently at the doctor’s office.  A nurse suggested Weight Watchers for me.  Weight has been an issue for me my whole life.  My mother has always criticized my weight, even when I was thin.  So much so, I had eating disorders starting at age 10.  Now, I’m about 20 lbs overweight, & some people in the medical field act like I’m more like 700 lbs. overweight.  This nurse was one of them.  That situation used to trigger a lot of anxiety & shame in me but this time I felt fine.  I told her no & ended that conversation.

The best part of getting to know myself is my relationship with God has become much more comfortable & open.  There always was some shame in me asking for things I needed.  So much so, I’ve always prayed more for others than myself.  That is balancing out more all the time.

I have learned that I am not only someone who has been through narcissistic abuse, but also am a child of God, a wife, a mother to some super amazing furkids & a person who is gaining some diverse interests.  I have been forcing myself to step outside my comfort zone & explore things, which has led to learning some new interests.

Dear Reader, please do as I have done, & start to get to know yourself too.  You are a wonderful person, & you should appreciate that about yourself.  You are so much more than you were told you were.  Find out who you really are.  Get to know the new you & embrace that person!

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8 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Animals, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

8 responses to “You’re So Much More Than Someone Who Survived Narcissistic Abuse!

  1. Karen

    Nooooo!!!! You are soooo much more than that! This is not a title you asked for, and being a survivor has only made you stronger, and a more compassionate, loving young lady!! xo

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    • Thank you Karen! & that is so true- no one asks to be a survivor. It does make you stronger & more compassionate for sure, which certainly is a good thing. But even so, there is so much more to life than that. Thank God.. just being one thing would be too boring!

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  2. Oh my goodness, lady, you speak for my heart! I’m (barely) a survivor of 28 years married to a narcissist. It was in February that I learned what the real problem was in our marriage when I came across Patricia Evans’ book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Then last month when I fell deathly sick and became a liability, he replaced me instantly. Sad but free now. I’m getting better and starting to remember who I am. The hardest part is dealing with the anger, not only at him, but at myself for allowing this to happen The weight is falling off. My doctor said it was an excess of cortisol from stress that prompted the increase. The body instinctively puts on armor to protect the vulnerable person inside. Walking has helped. Just going for a stroll somehow rebuilds self-confidence.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh wow. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. 28 years with a narcissistic husband?! Lord have mercy.. it’s nothing short of a miracle you’ve survived this well. You must be very strong!

      I know the anger is hard to deal with, especially the anger at yourself. It will get better in time though as you accept the fact narcissists are so manipulative. They are great at gaslighting. No one is immune to their craziness.

      If you’re on Facebook, I have a group there of lovely ladies, some of which have been married to narcissistic husbands. You might like to check it out. The group is called Fans Of Cynthia Bailey-Rug. Hope to see you there. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes I do feel like I’m just a survivor (although I’m glad I did survive), that my life doesn’t have any real meaning, as though I was put on this earth just to suffer at the hands of Narcissists. I’m encouraged. Looking forward to reading your new book!

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