Trauma Changes You

You can’t experience trauma without changing.  It’s only natural that when you experience something life altering or even life threatening that you change.

I’ve had 5 nervous breakdowns to date, & after each one, something about me changed.  After the first & second ones, I got even better at stuffing my feelings.  No one cared what happened, so I took that to mean I needed to not bother anyone with my ‘trivial’ problems.  (You can tell I was surrounded by narcissists at the time & not a Christian..)  After the others, I realized that even if no one cared but God & I, I cared, & needed to take better care of my mental health.

After coming close to death with carbon monoxide poisoning in February, I gained a new strength.  Although I still have problems with anxiety, I refuse to sweat the small stuff as much as I once did. I now get angry quickly & set boundaries immediately if someone mistreats me rather than trying to be understanding.  Oddly, even my eating habits are different.

When these changes first happened after my first two nervous breakdowns, I ignored them.  Then I began to realize that they are happening for a reason.  God is using negative circumstances to get my attention.  I started asking Him to show me what I need to learn, & those prayers were answered.  The information has been very valuable.  I’ve learned I like the new me.

If you’re reading this post, it is safe to assume you too have experienced trauma, most likely narcissistic abuse, since that is what I write about most often.  As you are healing from it, you’ll realize that you have changed.  You may feel differently or think differently.  That is perfectly fine!  Don’t worry about it or beat yourself up over it.   Why not just get to know the new you?  Take the time to really pay attention to how you feel or think.  Get to know the new you as if you were meeting a new friend.

The changes happened in you for a reason, & chances are, because they needed to happen.  While I don’t believe God makes bad things happen, I do believe He will use them for our benefit.  If you are unsure of what good has come from the trauma you’ve experienced, just ask God to show you.  He will help you..

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14 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

14 responses to “Trauma Changes You

  1. Cindy

    I was only 7 whe I had a breakdown.My aunt died and my mom said I just stopped eating.I recall some,but not all of that.My memory is very fuzzy concerning the whole thing.
    There were no child psych’s in 1972.No telling what I would have been dx’ed with.I just recall they took me to the family dr. and he talked to me.(Because talking is all a traumatized child needs,righttttttttt).And they also threatened to put me in the hospital and tube feed me,if I didn’t start to eat. )(yeah..threats always work wel,,too..not!)
    I was finally able to snap out of it on my own,somehow,and I started eating again.I’m not sure what that would be called? I just think God gave me the strength to go on,in spite of everyone’s talks and threats,which just made me feel even worse..To God be the glory…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so sorry you went through that Cindy! How horrible!! How far a little kindness & understanding would have gone instead of threats & being so cold towards you. Definitely God helped you to go on. Certainly the people in your life didn’t 😦

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      • Cindy

        Thanks,I’m so glad we now have real professionals to help children cope with such things.The dr didn’t ask me any q’s at all…like how was I feeling,etc.,I just recall he preached at me and threatened me.
        We later learned he lost his license to practice medicine.He had my mom on valium when she was depressed over her sister’s death.That’s like handing someone a loaded gun! She eventually got herself odd it,since she didn’t want to be on it long term.I think God saved us both!
        I’m glad you are feeling better since the Feb trauma! 🙂

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        • Wow.. nice doctor. @@ Glad to hear he lost his license! It’s stories like yours that make me very distrustful of many in the medical field. Thank God He intervened & saved you both!

          Thank you. I can’t believe I’m still recovering! It’s bizarre. At least a lot of good has come from it all, like no longer having patience for abusive people. God truly can turn anything bad around for good. 🙂

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          • Cindy

            You had a double whammy it seems..physical damage from the co2,and then also dealing w the emotinal part of it.I can see where that would take more time to heal and deal with.Yes, God can turn anythng around,thk goodness for Him. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • That’s very true, Cindy. Plus CMP takes forever to heal from anyway, if you heal at all. I can’t tell you how glad I was to find out Poe suffered it as well & wrote about his symptoms. That was more informative for me than anything else I read. Our symptoms are very similar. That helped me knowing that was what was happening, kwim?

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              • Cindy

                I didn’t know that,yes,knowledge is power,so glad we have the net nowadays to research these things.I really feel like dr’s just gloss over symptoms sometimes,and don’t give you all the info you need to know.I imagine it can take awhile for the co2 molecules to unattach themselves,if they all ever really do? I mean our bodies were made for 02,not co2

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    • OmG! I stopped eating when I was 5. Could that have been a NB? I always thought it was depression, even though I was only five. My NM took dropped me off in a different state to live with relatives (whom I had never met).

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      • Yes trauma does change us, but I want to second what Cindy said: To God be the glory!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I never thought of stopping eating as a nervous breakdown before, but it maybe could be. For Cindy, it happened right after the trauma of losing someone she loved. For you, that was a trauma as well. I can’t imagine being dropped off with strangers at 5. So maybe it was.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Cindy

        My guess would be probably so.although idk what the offical dx would be.Perhaps depression and anxiety.I think of not eating as a symptom of something more going on,and in my case,they missed that completely,(when it was painfuly obvious),and they focused only on the symptom itself.Pretty poor doctoring and parenting,imo,as in your case as well.The shock of the situation set off the reaction of not eating.I’m so sorry you went thru that,I do not know what some of these parents were thinking.That’s no way to treat a child

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        • Cindy

          Oh,I was replyng to lynettedavis about not eating when she was 5.I thought it would come out underneath that

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        • We’re talking about the early 60’s, when kids didn’t have feelings, at least none that mattered to anyone… To God be the glory that you made it through and are now sharing your experience to help others. Bless you.

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