You can’t experience trauma without changing. It’s only natural that when you experience something life altering or even life threatening that you change.
I’ve had 5 nervous breakdowns to date, & after each one, something about me changed. After the first & second ones, I got even better at stuffing my feelings. No one cared what happened, so I took that to mean I needed to not bother anyone with my ‘trivial’ problems. (You can tell I was surrounded by narcissists at the time & not a Christian..) After the others, I realized that even if no one cared but God & I, I cared, & needed to take better care of my mental health.
After coming close to death with carbon monoxide poisoning in February, I gained a new strength. Although I still have problems with anxiety, I refuse to sweat the small stuff as much as I once did. I now get angry quickly & set boundaries immediately if someone mistreats me rather than trying to be understanding. Oddly, even my eating habits are different.
When these changes first happened after my first two nervous breakdowns, I ignored them. Then I began to realize that they are happening for a reason. God is using negative circumstances to get my attention. I started asking Him to show me what I need to learn, & those prayers were answered. The information has been very valuable. I’ve learned I like the new me.
If you’re reading this post, it is safe to assume you too have experienced trauma, most likely narcissistic abuse, since that is what I write about most often. As you are healing from it, you’ll realize that you have changed. You may feel differently or think differently. That is perfectly fine! Don’t worry about it or beat yourself up over it. Why not just get to know the new you? Take the time to really pay attention to how you feel or think. Get to know the new you as if you were meeting a new friend.
The changes happened in you for a reason, & chances are, because they needed to happen. While I don’t believe God makes bad things happen, I do believe He will use them for our benefit. If you are unsure of what good has come from the trauma you’ve experienced, just ask God to show you. He will help you..