Healing from narcissistic abuse is good for you. You learn & you grow. You become more peaceful & happier. You become well equipped to deal with abusive & narcissistic people when they cross your path.
I’ve noticed that something else happens- the narcissistic parent doesn’t really know what to do with you. Narcissists simply have no clue what to do with someone they can’t control.
I was thinking lately about the relationships with various narcissists I’ve had in my life. The healthier I got, the more they changed. One dumped me, claiming I lied to her when I hadn’t (in fact, she lied to me many times). Another suddenly became a victim when I refused to put up with her games, even sending her daughter to verbally attack me. Even the relationship with my parents has changed drastically.
It used to be that my parents would call me often. My mother daily, my father a few times a week. We got together often, usually going to lunch or dinner. Then I started learning about narcissism & healing from its abuse. The communication became less & less frequent. Now, I honestly don’t remember the last time I went out with my parents. The last time we spent a lot of time together was when my father was in the hospital last December. They came to my home to visit me in April just before my birthday, but since my mother was behaving so poorly & I felt sick, I made them leave after only a short visit. As for the phone calls? My mother called me once asking me to look something up on my computer for her (my parents don’t own one) & couldn’t get off the phone fast enough, then called a second time earlier this week for about half an hour. My father calls about once every week or two now, & the calls never last more than about 10-15 minutes where they used to last at least 30.
I had decided on going limited contact with my parents quite some time ago, but apparently healing has made this happen anyway. I think that’s pretty cool!
Healing has been tremendously helpful not only for me, but also in the relationship with my parents. Not only do I have to deal with them less often now, but they have moments of being civil with me now since I won’t tolerate the nastiness anymore. As narcissists, I know they’ll never be respectful like most people are, so I think of these moments when they’re civil as progress. It’s more than I ever expected.
Granted, there are times when a narcissistic mother will become enraged by her daughter’s healing. She will lie about her daughter so she can cut her out of her life without anyone questioning it. However, it doesn’t always happen this way. Sometimes, what has happened with my parents happens with other narcissistic parents as well.
Dear Reader, I want to encourage you today. If you’re still in a relationship with your narcissistic mother, continue to focus on your healing. It will benefit you immensely & it will change how she relates to you. It may improve your relationship with her as it has mine. At the very least, you can be sure she won’t attempt to control you so much, because she knows she can’t. The interesting part about that is although it will make her angry, she won’t be able to take it out on you. You’re doing nothing wrong, so she has no reason to rage unless she wants to look foolish, & we all know narcissists will do anything to avoid looking foolish. She may give you the silent treatment, but that isn’t such a bad scenario- it gives you a break from her drama for a while!