Galatians 6:7 “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
Have you ever thought about how this Scripture applies to your narcissistic parents?
It seems to me that many adult children of narcissistic parents try to interrupt this natural event. Many refuse to discuss the abuse they endured when they should be more concerned about the damage done to them than their parents’ reputations. Others spend their entire lives trying to please the unpleasable narcissistic parent instead of setting healthy boundaries & ignoring the personal costs to themselves. Still others will move their elderly narcissistic parent into their home, allow her to upset every member of the household & face no consequences for her actions.
Narcissistic parents train their children very well in many ways, but possibly the most impressive area is when they train them to take care of their parents at any & all costs. No sacrifice is too big for many children of narcissistic parents. even though the parent acts as if no sacrifice is big enough.
This is not good! People learn from reaping what they sow, which is why God wants us to reap what we sow. And yes, even narcissists can learn from consequences. They need to have consequences if there is to be any hope of them changing. Giving them consequences is also good for you, because it breaks the unhealthy, dysfunctional patterns you have lived in for so long.
I know it can be hard to unlearn the lifetime of training you received from your narcissistic parent, but it can be done. First & foremost, ask God for help. Ask Him to show you what you need to do & how to do it & for the courage to do this.
When situations arise, remind yourself of the truth. For example, the truth is that it’s not your job to protect your narcissistic mother’s reputation! If someone asks you something about your mother & the truth isn’t necessarily pretty, tell the truth. I’m not saying be disrespectful, bashing her, or calling her names of course, but you can tell the truth in a matter of fact way, even if the truth isn’t pretty.
Another situation could be when your narcissistic mother is elderly & in need of care. The truth is it is up to you whether or not you are her caregiver. Many adult children of narcissists don’t help their elderly parents & have peace about their decision while others feel the same peace about caring for them full or part time. It is a very individual choice that only you can make. (If you opt not to do hands on care, though, I would recommend helping them to find proper help. There are many great resources out there that can offer help through your local Department of Aging.)
Also, I have noticed that feelings are no exception to this rule of reaping what you sow. My feelings have dwindled greatly for my parents after a lifetime of narcissistic abuse. I used to beat myself up for this, telling myself I was a terrible person & a terrible daughter. During prayer one day though, God told me they are reaping what they have sown, & I’m not a terrible person. They haven’t sown many good, loving seeds with me so they are reaping a harvest of indifference in some ways from me. It is completely normal to feel the way I do. If you feel the same, please know that you are normal!
Dear Reader, I urge you to let your narcissistic parents reap what they sow. They won’t like it, but if God allows certain things to happen to them, it must be for a reason. Let Him allow what He knows is best to happen.