Recently I had a dream. After praying about it, God showed me its meaning. I have a great deal of self doubt. I knew I did, but didn’t realize just how bad it was until this dream. As I heal from narcissistic abuse & learn & grow, it takes me further & further from the abuse & dysfunction I’ve always known. While it’s certainly a good thing, it’s also awkward. I have a lot of times wondering if I’m doing what’s right. Am I wrong? Worse yet, am I crazy like my mother has said I was so many times?
I think this must be a common thing for adult children of narcissistic parents. We grow up hearing how wrong we are about everything. Whatever we think & feel is wrong. Having needs & wants is wrong. Likes & dislikes are wrong, too. We know whatever it is, we are wrong, period, & this dysfunctional belief carries over into adulthood. Plus, narcissistic parents speak as if whatever they say is the gospel truth. If your narcissistic mother says something, no matter how ludicrous, no matter what truth you see yourself, it is right & you need to accept that! Don’t believe what you see or know- believe your narcissistic mother instead!
These two things lay the groundwork for you to grow up having a great deal of doubts about yourself, especially as you heal.
While I believe this is totally normal, that doesn’t mean it is comfortable or right.
As you heal & have so many doubts, I think this is a sign to lean on God more & more. Ask Him to help you to heal, & to have the wisdom to know what is truly right. Ask Him to help you see if you’re heading down the wrong path & to get back on the right one. Ask Him to help you to have the confidence to follow Him rather than the dysfunctional beliefs of your childhood.
Learn to listen to your heart, your instincts. I believe instincts are actually the Holy Spirit guiding us, which is why they are so accurate. Listen to them, & you will know what is right for you.
Never forget- just because your mother says something doesn’t mean it is right. Narcissistic mothers only care about themselves & what benefits them. They will lie to you if it benefits them to do so. In fact, narcissists are notorious liars. Chances are your mother lied to you a great deal & regularly practiced gaslighting on you. You need to form your own beliefs & opinions, especially when it comes to your healing, disregarding the things she has told you.