It seems to be a big thing these days to take pride in not feeling sorry for yourself. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps! If you can do that, yay you!
It seems to me though, that this doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Compassion is a wonderful thing. If you are hurting, & someone lets you know that they care or they try to make you feel better, it really helps ease your pain. Even if the person knows nothing they can do can take away your pain, so they offer you a silent hug or just listen to you talk, these loving gestures can mean the world in times of trouble.
So why is it such a bad to offer yourself these kind of loving gestures?
If I had a friend who had recently experienced something traumatic, I would try to offer her comfort as best I could. I would tell her to relax while I cleaned her house if she wasn’t feeling up to it or take her to dinner. So why is it any different if I was the one who lost someone to do similar things for myself? That is NOT self pity- it is self compassion, & I fail to see how it is a bad thing.
Of course, balance must be had. You can’t feel sorry for yourself 24/7 or you’d be utterly miserable. That being said though, I think it is quite healthy to feel bad for yourself after experiencing trauma, disappointment, loss or heartbreak. Basically, you’re telling yourself that you love yourself, & you care about the fact you’re going through a tough time. What could possibly be so bad about that??
Aside from society’s foolish view on this topic, being someone who has survived narcissistic abuse, it can be difficult for you to give yourself any compassion. When you are raised by someone who makes it very clear that your pain means nothing, it is very hard to care about yourself. The more you heal from narcissistic abuse though, the easier it becomes. The more you finally gain the realization you are worthy & you are lovable, the more self compassion you have. You finally understand that your narcissistic mother isn’t the only one to have problems. You have genuine problems too sometimes, & there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of yourself when you are suffering because of them.