Being Feminine Or Masculine

Since I’m female as are the majority of my readers, I’ll write this directed mostly at the ladies, but the information is important for you gentlemen as well.

Narcissistic mothers love to destroy everything they can about their children, right down to destroying their femininity or masculinity.

I’ve always liked so many of the stereotypical girly things along with some more masculine things (like cars) & while growing up, my mother criticized me for them.  I wasn’t feminine enough because I preferred cars to baby dolls, but I was too girly for liking soft, feminine clothing.  I wasn’t really allowed to wear anything too feminine either, & my mother had to approve all my clothes until I moved out.

The result was stifled femininity.  It’s only been the last few years I’ve been letting my feminine side come out, & I feel so much more comfortable!

Can you relate?  Did your narcissistic mother try to destroy your femininity too?

If so, Dear Reader, I’d like to encourage you to take back your femininity!  You won’t regret it!

While I realize some women are naturally less “girly” than others, & there is nothing wrong with that, I’d like to encourage you to take back your femininity as well.  Whatever your level of femininity, it’s yours, & you need to be in control of it, not your abusive narcissistic mother!

So how do you take it back?

For me, I started paying attention to how I felt about feminine things.  I realized some things were more attractive to me when I ignored my mother’s views on femininity.  As an example, my mother only thinks clear, soft pink or mauve nail polish is appropriate.  I started experimenting with other colors.  I now wear almost every color except yellow, red or orange & only because they aren’t good colors for me.  Wearing so many different colors is something I enjoy.

I also realized the stereotypical masculine things I like don’t detract from my femininity.  I love classic cars & drag racing.  I also have no trouble fixing my own car when need be.  I don’t think this affects my femininity at all.  There is nothing wrong with being diverse in your interests!  (Besides, knowing how to fix my car means if I have car trouble, I can make it home, which isn’t a bad thing at all.)

Lastly, I thought about what being a woman, especially a feminine woman, means to me which is what I strive to be.  I think a woman is:

  • Caring
  • Nurturing
  • Generous
  • Loving
  • Helpful
  • Empathetic
  • Encouraging
  • Has integrity
  • Open minded
  • Doesn’t compromise her principles
  • Willing to work hard when needed
  • Has the wisdom to know when she needs to help others & when to step back
  • Appreciates softness
  • Appreciates beauty in all forms
  • Takes care of herself & her appearance
  • Maintains a clean, inviting, cozy home
  • Is always there for her husband, children & others in her life that she loves
  • Is self-sufficient but not too proud to ask for help when needed

Now it’s your turn- what does being a woman (or man) mean to you?

I hope this helps you to let the wonderful man or woman inside you come out!  God made you the way you are for a reason, so why shouldn’t you enjoy every aspect of yourself?


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

10 responses to “Being Feminine Or Masculine

  1. Yes! I don’t know why, but she always made out she was empowering me by making me follow my tomboy pursuits and neglect my stereotypically female ones, while drumming into me ‘all men are bastards, you are better off alone’ for as long as I can remember. And in recent years, she made out that not wearing makeup or making an effort was a Godly virtue, even though she used to do both.


    • Isn’t that crazy?! Wow. Anything to destroy the victim. I can’t help wondering if she saw you as a threat if you were more feminine. If she used to try to look good, she obviously cared about her appearance. She may have thought you were more feminine & pretty than her, so she had to destroy that part of you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Could be. I know she tried to live through me as a child – sent me to ballet classes, music lessons, always let me know she wasn’t allowed to have those things as a child, and always made me feel guilty my brothers didn’t have the same amount of stepnarc’s money spent on them. And when I was 12, she forced me to have my hair cut into a boy’s style; with me being skinny anyway, I then DID often get mistaken for a boy, which did wonders for my self-esteem. Mother Martyr is very damaged. As was I, but at least I recognise it and am working on myself, whereas she is just in denial. We deserved more from the people around us. Hopefully life has great things in store for us 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve always related more to being masculine than feminine despite the dresses and skirts I was forced to wear growing up. It’s amazing how much influence mother’s have, and how much I’ve had to unlearn after stripping away her perspective like glasses tainting my reflection in the mirror.

    My motto going forth: All loving, all accepting. Be as you are, be yourself.

    Thanks for your post.


    • I love the way you said that “stripping away her perspective like glasses tainting your reflection.” That is so true!!

      At least now you can do as you see fit. Be girly, be a tomboy- it’s on your terms, not hers! God bless you! ❤


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