I read an interesting quote by Warsan Shire: “Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself- what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. Recreate & repeat.” Since I battle low self-esteem, I thought about the times I felt my most confident in the hopes of recreating them. It was eye opening.
I realized the times I felt my most confident weren’t when I had some personal success or even was wearing a pretty new outfit. Those feelings were always dependent on another person. When someone obviously enjoyed being with me or a man telling me how pretty I was.
This bothered me. I don’t like being depending on anyone, especially something so personal. I asked God why was this happening? I don’t particularly care what others think of me, so how can I let others determine how I feel about myself? It makes no sense! Immediately I knew the answer.
When you grow up with at least one narcissistic parent, you learn early that their opinion of you is what matters. That parent determines your self-esteem, & sadly, it’s always low as a result. Even if you get to the point of no longer allowing that person to determine your self-esteem, you don’t always know how to stop this dysfunctional habit. You continue allowing others to determine your self-worth without even realizing it, like I have done.
Are you doing the same thing? (If you are unsure, ask God to show you.) If you are, then know you aren’t alone. I honestly had no idea I was doing this until I read the above mentioned quote.
I think being aware of what is happening is an important first step, because once you know what the problem is, you can do something to fix it. After this revelation, I repented. I told God how sorry I was for allowing anyone but Him to determine my self-esteem & asked for His help to change. I also asked God to help me get my self-esteem from Him, no one else.
Also, years ago I wrote a list of positive affirmations from the Bible that I included on my website. I plan on reading this list more often now. The affirmations can be found here: Positive Affirmations
In all honesty, I don’t know what to expect from here, but I do believe these steps to be a good starting place for me & I hope for you as well, Dear Reader. I’m praying for you! ❤