Narcissists & Envy/Jealousy

I’ve been listening to music today.. a CD my father recently gave me of Conway Twitty’s songs from early in his career.  I remember hearing some of these songs when I was a little girl riding in my father’s car, which is now my car, & they make me smile.

(A little background- I have my granddad’s 1969 Plymouth Fury.  He gave it to my father when his car was stolen in 1975.  My father sold it to a guy who owned a local junkyard in 1979.  In 2005, I went to a flea market & saw a gorgeous ’69 Fury & fell in love.  I assumed it was simply a twin to Granddad’s.  Hubby suggested I leave a note on the car saying I’d love to buy it if the owner wanted to sell.  He did!  After some trouble with our mortgage refinance that had our money tied up briefly, we finally were able to get the car.  The first time my father saw it, he said “That’s my car!  That’s not a twin!”  He soon brought me the VIN from his old records.  We compared it to my car’s VIN & found it to be the same car he owned 30 years before!)

Back to my story…

To this day, my mother does NOT believe that is the same car.  She also will trash my car at every opportunity.  My “favorite” was when she told me, “I would NEVER own a car your granddad owned!  HARUMPH!!!”  I was too angry at the time to think of it, but I wish I’d thought to remind her that she did own a car Granddad owned- this same Fury, for about 4 years.  Also, my father has told me she has told him I’m lying- that isn’t Granddads’s Plymouth.  The VIN doesn’t lie- it’s put on at the factory.  My father couldn’t have known it to recreate it- it’s somewhat hard to read & he never looked at that before bringing me his old car records to compare his VIN to mine.

So why the nastiness?  It’s only a car.  Not like my driving this beautiful old critter affects her in any way, right?  When I thought about it, I realized how cruel my mother can be about other things.  She criticizes my writing viciously, which is one reason I don’t discuss it with her anymore.  She has said it’s “trash no one wants to read” & “a waste of time.”  When I’ve done editing work, “anyone can do that!”  She also viciously insulted my furkids for years, knowing how much I love them.  Why?  I assume because they are very friendly, loving & well behaved.  Her cat?  Hides when people come over & is very skittish.  (I love her cat, but she is very different than mine)

Narcissists are extremely competitive.  They have to be the best, the most talented, the prettiest, the most special.  If you are better, more talented, etc. than them in any way, no matter how trivial, you can count on being criticized.

Does this sound familiar to you?  Is your narcissistic mother this way too?

At first, I know it can be hard to accept.  Normal, loving mothers want what is best for their child, no matter the child’s age.  They want her happy, healthy & successful, even if that means the child does better than the mother.  Narcissistic mothers, as usual, go completely against the norm, making their behavior hard to accept.  Often, their daughters feel they should make their performance “less than” or give up completely in order to please their mothers.

I want to encourage you today, Dear Reader, to enjoy your successes, in spite of your wicked narcissistic mother!  Her jealousy is HER problem not yours!  Enjoy the blessings & talents God has seen fit to bless you with as much as possible.  God wants you to enjoy such things.  That is why He gave them to you!  You must deserve them, too, otherwise He wouldn’t have seen fit to give them to you.

 

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4 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

4 responses to “Narcissists & Envy/Jealousy

  1. What a wonderful story about your car! I love when God performs those little miracles. It’s such a blessing and a reminder of His love and power.

    As for the jealousy, now that I’m expecting, my NMIL has been competing with me over my weight. She called us one very early morning claiming she was worried about me because she knew I couldn’t get out of bed because of how fat I was. This was when I was in my 5th month and had just had a growth spurt. I hadn’t gained any weight during my first four months and suddenly put on 10 lbs in my 5th. I was still far from large but I mistakenly but made a comment about it on Facebook. FIL saw it and obviously told her about it. Now I can’t even tell a self-deprecating joke online with my friends. She’s always been vain about her appearance and I think she’s jealous because she gained a lot of weight during her pregnancy with my husband. I’m a petite person and I know I will be smaller than her and I think she feels threatened by that. She’s also extremely territorial when it comes to the “mother” label. Now that I’m gonna be a mother too, she has to be the best at everything and prove that she’s a better mother than me in every way possible. But especially in appearance. I’m expecting a lot of condescending “advice” from her.

    She’ll be coming to visit us after we move into our new house. I’m anticipating that she will be jealous of that too. I’m really proud of my husband. He’s worked so hard and this is our first house together. I also think it’s quite nice. I’m concerned my NMIL will either bash it out of jealousy or try to take all the glory away from my husband and claim it as hers. My husband has gotten tougher so I think he will be okay, I’m but going to be a hormonal wreck! Please pray for me, lol!

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    • Thank you! That story about my car is something I love to tell at every opportunity. It’s so amazing! Such a blessing too since I always loved that car (always been a car buff) & it belonged to someone who meant the world to me- my granddad.

      First off, congratulations on the new baby! Wishing you an easy pregnancy & healthy baby!

      Wow… she said you couldn’t get out of bed because of how fat you were?! SERIOUSLY!? What a horrible thing to say! It definitely sounds like she’s threatened by you- your size & now being a “mother” & stealing that label from her (or so she probably thinks).

      Does she really have to come stay with you in the new house?? Especially while you’re pregnant? Can’t that wait for a while? I can’t imagine dealing with a narcissistic mother in-law in my own home, but especially while hormones are doing crazy things. You’re a much better woman than I! I’ll definitely be praying for you.. you’re gonna need it! lol ❤

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