I’ve met a great deal of adult daughters of narcissistic mothers who have changed their names. Some have legally changed it to something completely different while others, like me, have only tweaked the name they already have. One thing all of us share in common though is no matter how it was changed, it felt so freeing!!
My mother always called me Cindy. It always felt wrong somehow. So about 15 years ago, it finally occurred to me that it is my name, & I can do with it whatever I like. I began asking people to call me Cynthia, as that feels more comfortable for me. Oddly, I was met with a great deal of protest from so-called friends who said I’d always be Cindy to them & they refused to make the change. (Happily for me, all of them are out of my life now for various reasons.) Since then, when meeting people, even introducing myself as Cynthia, some still call me Cindy, so I decided on a compromise- spell it Cyndi, which is the correct spelling anyway.
It feels so good to have made this change, as little as it is. I feel this way- Cindy is the person my mother made. The dysfunctional one who had no purpose in life other than to try to please her narcissistic parents. Cindy is now dead. Cynthia is much more functional, in spite of the C-PTSD & has her own mind, likes/dislikes & boundaries. I feel like changing my name has helped to detach me from the dysfunctional, awful person I once was.
Something rather funny on this topic- when we adopted our little cat, Minnie Rose, her name was Baby. She didn’t answer to it at all. She was also extremely timid. It took me a few days to come up with a name that seemed appropriate for her, & once I started calling her Minnie Rose, her entire demeanor changed. She became much more confident & happy. She likes the name so much, that she will get mad if I call her Baby even just as a term of endearment. lol
This may sound odd to you, but I’m telling you, it does make you feel different & better to change your name after surviving narcissistic abuse. Name changes have happened since the beginning of time, too, & God Himself changed some folks’ names. Remember, Abraham was once Abram, Sarah once Sarai, Israel was Jacob. When God changed people’s names in the Bible, the people changed accordingly. God changed their names when he brought them into a better place than they had been in. He did the same for me- I have healed so much since changing my name.
If you haven’t done so, why not consider making a change with your name? Even if it’s just going by a nickname, it will change how you feel about yourself. You have the right to make that change if you are so inclined, so why not exercise it?