Wisdom In Reading About Narcissistic Abuse

I’ve noticed something about some people who write blogs or facebook pages.  Not all of course, but quite a few seem to think they have all the answers.  Many of these authors do have a great deal of wisdom, don’t misunderstand me.  They offer plenty of helpful insight.  However, being human, they can be wrong sometimes, too.  I have seen some provide information  I am 100% sure is wrong while stating that information as fact.

 

Don’t get me wrong- I’m not trying to trash other authors in the hopes you will follow me only, or say that I have all the answers.  I hope I don’t sound that way, because that isn’t the case.  I’m learning as I go just like you are, & share what I learn as I learn it & as I believe God leads me.

 

I’m telling you this because when you read blogs, facebook pages, books & websites like mine, you need to be aware that sometimes, the authors may make mistakes (yes, me too, even though I try not to!).  It’s never wise to blindly assume everything someone writes is 100% accurate, even if the person is an expert.  Besides, even your personal beliefs may clash with an author’s, & that is fine too.  You can follow an author’s writing without agreeing with 100% of everything he or she says.

 

Also, unfortunately some who write about narcissists are narcissists themselves.  I know it is hard to believe, but I have seen it first hand.  I used to follow someone who from pretty early on, I noticed a few signs of narcissism.  I thought I was just over sensitive.  As time wore on, she read something I wrote & commented how wrong I was.  Another fan defended me, & they got into a rather heated disagreement online.  This happened after I got off my computer for the night, so I didn’t know about it until the following morning.  I was shocked that morning to discover what happened, & to discover the other author blocked me.

 

This was a learning experience though.

 

I learned that if your instincts are telling you someone is a narcissist, even if she teaches on the topic, don’t ignore that gut feeling!  It’s there for a reason!  Watch her carefully, as what she says & how she treats her readers will reveal the truth eventually.

 

Also, watch how a person states information.  If they brag about how much they know or are admired, those are narcissistic red flags.

 

Someone who discusses her experiences in a manner as if to say no one can have a different experience is most likely a narcissist.

 

Be aware of someone who is not open to others having different beliefs or handling things in a way that isn’t as if the author would handle it.  There are so many gray areas when it comes to topics like narcissistic abuse or C-PTSD.  Some authors only believe in no contact, for example, & can be shaming to those of us who aren’t no contact.  (The one I mentioned above talked to me as if I was a fool for going low contact with my narcissistic mother instead of no contact.)  This type of person fails to realize that there is no one size fits all way to handle narcissists.

 

Mostly though, rely on God.  Ask Him to help you know who to read & what information of those authors is applicable to you.  Matthew 10:16  says, “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” (KJV)  That is exactly how you need to be in every area in life, including your own healing from narcissistic abuse!

 

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12 Comments

Filed under Narcissism

12 responses to “Wisdom In Reading About Narcissistic Abuse

  1. Very true! Always trust your gut! There are a lot of red flags and it’s important to pay attention to them. Thanks for sharing!

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    • Thank you! There are a lot of red flags for sure! I find though that once you learn about NPD, you feel like you see it everywhere, so you may not trust your gut, like I didn’t in the above mentioned situation. I thought I was being oversensitive. But time showed me I wasn’t over sensitive- the person’s true colors showed through brightly. I think even if you feel you’re just oversensitive, being paranoid, whatever, you still need to pay attention. There’s a good reason you wondered, even if only briefly, if someone is a narcissist.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ForeverLearning

    This is very true! I have had the misfortune of my childhood friend being a narcissist and am just now realizing it and trying to free myself. It’s difficult, but I know I will get through it. I appreciate blogs like this that finally acknowledge this behavior.

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    • Yikes… I’ve had narcissistic friends too. Never fun! Wishing you the best in that situation!

      Blogs & such that acknowledge narcissism are incredibly validating, aren’t they? One thing about narcissists is they tend to make their victims feel totally alone. Like no one else ever has experienced anything like what they’re going through. It’s awful! Validation is always important but perhaps no more so than with victims of narcissistic abuse.

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      • ForeverLearning

        I agree 100%. Feels so good to know im not alone

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        • It’s a kind of double edged sword, isn’t it? It’s great knowing you’re not alone, but then again, it is sad there are so many others who have been through the same thing.

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          • ForeverLearning

            It most definitely is. It’s horrible what takes place. And the naracisst just can’t or won’t understand or acknowledge anything.

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            • I personally think it’s more won’t. My husband & I were having this conversation recently & he said something about my mother “can’t” see what she’s done to me. I told him I disagree- she often talks about what a great mom she’s been & what a happy childhood I had, & wants me to validate what she says. And, she did 99% of the abuse in secret, behind closed doors. Even my father didn’t see most of it. That all tells me she knows. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have hid anything & she wouldn’t be pushing this “I was a great mom” crap. I’ve heard of other narcissistic mothers doing exactly the same thing, so yea, I believe they won’t acknowledge instead of can’t. Sorry about the soap box.. lol

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              • ForeverLearning

                its ok, no need for apologies. I was just(and still am I guess) hoping that people can change. It’s hard to accept that things just won’t change. I’m taking one step at a time

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                • There is always a chance they can change, albeit a very slim one. Don’t give up that hope because with God, all things are possible! My husband’s father went from a very overt, awful narcissist to a pretty nice guy for a while. Not sure what caused it, but it was really nice- hubby would come home relaxed after visiting him instead of his usual stressed or angry. Unfortunately, he got dementia which reverted him back to his narcissistic ways, but if it wasn’t for that, I really believe he would’ve stayed non-narcissistic. (Dementia & Alzheimer’s tend to exacerbate narcissism if someone already is a narcissist. Another evil part of those diseases) And, my mother goes through periods sometimes where she is much better behaved & we get along great. It’s usually pretty brief & doesn’t happen often, but it’s nice when it happens. I hope one day it’ll stay instead of her returning to her narcissistic ways. You never know…

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  3. ForeverLearning

    if you ever want a dose of positivity, check out my site project-happiness.com. I have refrained from writing about my friend yet because I have just come to the realization and I have to process it. But I’m just focusing on the good in my life and ignoring her lol.

    Like

    • Thank you for sharing the link.. I’ll go check it out now. 🙂

      lol There’s nothing wrong with doing that when you feel like it’s the right thing to do. The time to deal more with her will come (yay…lol) so you might as well enjoy what you can while you can!

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