As I’ve mentioned before, like most children of narcissistic parents, I learned young never to show anger. Instead, I stuffed it down inside & never dealt with it.
This year, I finally begun to stop stuffing anger & dealing with it in a healthy way. It feels foreign, & like I’m disobeying my mother, but good at the same time.
I’ve realized something recently, & I think it may help others who are also finally learning how to manage anger in a healthy way.
I’m getting angry often over things that happened a long time ago. Things have started just popping into my mind at random..bad memories of times when I was abused, invalidated or mistreated in some way. Not necessarily repressed memories- things I remembered, but never really thought much about. I finally asked God about it. This was getting on my nerves, & I wanted an answer. He reminded me that I have had a lot of years of not allowing myself to feel the anger I had a right to feel. Now that I’m getting a better grip on anger, I am finally able to process certain unpleasant events in a healthy way. That is why these things are coming up so many years later.
Dear Reader, if you too are learning how to deal with anger in a healthy way for the first time, don’t be surprised if this happens to you, too! It just may! I doubt I’m the only person who this has happened to. It seems like this is a logical course of events, yanno? Especially since God wants what is best for His children, & what is best is to deal with painful things so they are no longer so painful.
When these events pop into my mind, I talk to God about it as soon as possible. For whatever reason, they usually come to mind as I’m about to get into the shower, which is good- I have some private time to talk to Him uninterrupted.
Once alone with God, I just let it out. Cry, tell Him how unfair it was, tell Him how much it hurt, whatever needs to get out of me. He listens & that helps me a lot. I also sometimes write it out in my journal at a later time. When you feel anger, you need to purge yourself of it so it gets out of you. It’s poison if left inside, & can cause many physical & mental health problems. Getting it out is so much better.
When I’m done getting the anger out, I just sit quietly in God’s presence for a while. It’s amazing how doing that can soothe your soul & mend your broken heart. He doesn’t even need to say anything to you- there is just something peaceful & restorative about sitting quietly & focusing on God, His greatness & His love.
Once these things are done, I often find I’m a bit tired for a while & feel sort of raw emotionally. Emotional healing is very tiring, very hard work. If you feel that way, it’s normal. Just try to take it as easy as you can for a little while until you feel better. Be gentle with yourself. You’ve been through something painful, & need to recover.
I hope this helps you, Dear Reader. I know it’s no fun remembering something traumatic or painful, but it really can be helpful in your healing journey. When things come back to your remembrance, you might as well just deal with them & get it over with rather than continue to ignore it. Ignoring it does not benefit you in the least. Dealing with it, especially with God’s help, however rids you of the damage it was doing to you.
6 responses to “Learning About Anger”
Have just found your blog at just the right time in life. Thank you for sharing so much. You have know idea how many people’s lives resemble yours and just find them selves trying to make sense of everything. Your story and your blogs bring such clarity and calmness. Uncanny how your messages arrive at the perfect moment. God bless you Cynthia, your husband and all the little animals you so dearly care for.
I can’t thank you enough for saying that, Victoria! You have made my day. Thank you & may God bless you & yours! ❤
I feel like I have spot of anger at the person that hurt me and I find it very healthy to write in my hournal as well. Thank you for this post, it helps a lot
You’re very welcome.. & thank you for what you said. 🙂
I could have written this. I’ve recently gone NC after years of trying to live with my abusers, hoping and praying for change in our relationship. Finally I realized that it was time to get out. And although there are many good things that come with NC it’s hard work to recover from all the decades of abuse. Things I never allowed myself to see or emotions I could never afford to feel when I was just trying to survive have come in like a flood. Some days I struggle not to allow the anger I feel to spill over into the good and loving relationships I have. Like you I turn to God in those moments and I’m so very grateful to Him for the wisdom, strength, and comfort He has given me. A good friend who has also suffered abuse by her family told me that she uses her painful memories and anger to keep her from succumbing to the temptation to allow them back into her life. God uses even the painful things in our lives for our good.
Good for you! Going no contact is a very hard decision to come to. It takes a lot of courage to do that. Thank God for helping you… it really is hard when the emotions start flooding in once you first start to feel them. He truly will get you through this.
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