Do You Avoid Depending On & Trusting People?

Something else I recently learned was about counter dependency- another common issue in victims of abuse.


Counter dependency is where a person has issues trusting other people.  They avoid depending on, opening up to or trusting others.  They appear extremely independent, even pushing other people away.  Often they have a deep fear of intimacy & fear asking for any help.  When you consider what the typical childhood experiences of a child of a narcissistic parent are, this behavior makes sense.  Narcissistic parents don’t care about their child’s feelings & needs, basically forcing their child to be independent of them.  For a child, being pushed away by a parent is devastating.  She learns early in life not to trust other people.


After reading about counter dependency, I realized this describes me very well.  As an example, if my husband & I have a disagreement, I shut down with him.  If he later asks how I am, my answer is always fine.  What did I do today?  Not much.  I let him talk about his day at work or anything else he wants to, but I divulge little to no information about myself.  It happens so automatically, I didn’t even realize I was doing it until the last couple of weeks. It took some more time for me to learn this behavior has a name.


As of now, I’m not entirely sure how to change this dysfunctional behavior.  I am only guessing, but I think talking about my experiences would help.  Mostly with God of course- He is always the best place to start- but also with safe people or writing about it in my journal.  Talking, praying or writing about things can bring a clarity to you, & enable you to understand why you are behaving in a dysfunctional way.  And of course, once you understand the root of your behavior, you can understand the truth which is you don’t need to behave that way.  You can behave in a healthier way.


As I learn about counter dependency, I’ll share what I learn.  We can learn & grow together!












Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

6 responses to “Do You Avoid Depending On & Trusting People?

  1. I thought all women were like that lol. Jk. This was something I really struggled with in my teens and early adulthood. Thanks to past sexual abuse I became extra independent and distrustful of anyone. (I still don’t trust easily.) But when I entered in a relationship with my DH it was really messy. I was both distant and clingy, very back and forth of “I don’t need you,” and, “Please love me!” Not to mention DH had his own share of triggers and scars from his NM. It was a very rough period for the both of us. I really have to thank God because there’s no way we could’ve done it without Him.

    As for trusting people, I think it’s really all about trusting Him. He’s going to protect us. I remember coming to God in my brokenness and Him promising me He would give me justice and that the abuse I experienced would never happen again. So I just have to keep remembering that He’s protecting me from all those wolves out there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Another great post I can relate to so well. Are we sisters? LOL! Last name is Bailey so I just thought I would put that out there! LOL! Honestly though I have had trouble with trust ever since I can remember. Unable to trust both my mother and father so anyone extended from them faced serious brick walls if they tried to invade my completely guarded space. Some have made the choice to completely blow those walls up like my husband and best friend. As they got it talking about vulnerability beyond description and being a co-dependent!! I clung to them for they loved and found me interesting enough to really get to know me. As of lates I have been really dealing with my trust issues. Seeking the word of God and finding scriptures on the matter is extremely helpful. If I learn to trust God first then I am a firm believer that all else will work out for sure. Such an incredible and humbling journey this is!


    • LOL I wouldn’t be surprised if we were related! 🙂

      It sounds like you’ve been very blessed with your husband & best friend. That is awesome!!

      It really is incredible & humbling for sure. A very strange journey for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. ibikenyc

    My world, and welcome to it.


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