Narcissists simply do NOT care about anyone but themselves.
- When I got into therapy at age 17, my mother cared more about what I was telling the therapist than the fact I felt so badly I sought therapy.
- When I told my parents I was divorcing my ex husband, my father’s first words were, “Can he & I still be friends?”
- My cousin once confronted our narcissistic grandmother (my maternal grandmother) about many lies she had told & other hurtful things she had done. As my cousin was sitting there, crying openly, our grandmother ignored her tears. She instead demanded that my cousin tell her who would say such things about her (aka, the truth).
Do scenarios like this sound somewhat familiar to you?
If so, please know that you are not alone. This is typical narcissistic behavior, caring more about themselves than you, even if you are hurt or going through something devastating. It truly is no reflection on you or anything you have done.
If you can accept that this awful behavior is typical & it’s really not about you, it can help you a great deal. It takes much of the pain out of the awful things the narcissist in your life has said & done to you. Instead of taking their abuse personally, you understand that they have problems, & are attempting to put those problems on you. You have done nothing wrong & you are OK! The narcissist, however, is dysfunctional, & unfortunately, you were chosen to be a casualty of that dysfunction.
This probably sounds strange, but it really has worked for me. It’s been a very helpful coping technique when dealing with my mother in particular. It has helped me release a lot of the hurt I’ve felt when she has put herself ahead of me. Yes, this behavior proves she doesn’t care about me which hurts, but it also proves how incredibly dysfunctional she is. It also reaffirms that she is narcissistic, which means she is incapable of caring for anyone- it isn’t something wrong with me, but instead with her.
Not that accepting this behavior is typical makes it OK. Nothing makes it OK. It’s hurtful & dysfunctional, never doubt that! You also do not need to tolerate it, & are well within your rights to tell the narcissist they are hurting you if you think that will help your situation. My only point in discussing this topic with you today is to help you: to help you to release the hurt over times this has happened & to not be so hurt when it happens again if you are still in a relationship with the narcissist.