Recently I shared a personal update in this post. I mentioned how I realized I needed to start taking more frequent breaks. I even asked a good friend to monitor my Facebook group when I feel I need a break. So, a few days ago, I asked her to monitor it for the first time. I had yet another awful headache & figured what better time to take a break. Spend the afternoon relaxing, watching tv, maybe crocheting, while staying away from the blog, group & anything related to narcissism.
Sounds good in theory. In reality though? I botched that one big time.
I spent that afternoon continually checking my group & blog. I forced myself not to respond, but at I at least read what was posted.
So much for a break.
Again, I haven’t been “practicing what I preach.” I’ve been beating myself up over this. I mean really- my group is amazing. What could happen if I took the afternoon away from it?! If someone needs support, other group members jump right in & support each other in spite of their own problems. Same with those who read my blog- if people see comments by someone in need of information &/or support, they jump in. My presence isn’t necessary 100% of the time.
I really hate that overdeveloped sense of responsibility. It’s so annoying. It’s also yet one more awful result of being raised by narcissistic, parentalizing parents.
What I learned from this experience is this…
- Little victories should still be counted. Like me only reading & not responding in my group that afternoon. it still counts! It’s a step in the right direction.
- Victories can’t be had overnight. Be patient with yourself when trying to make changes, especially to something as deeply ingrained as that overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
- Old habits die hard, as the saying goes. Keep on trying, & it’ll happen. Maybe not the first time you try making that change, but it’ll happen if you keep on, keepin’ on.
- Don’t beat yourself up. Easier said than done, I know. Just remember, you’re human. That means you’re going to make mistakes sometimes. It’s ok. Things happen. Just learn from those mistakes & move on. Don’t dwell on how badly you screwed up when you did *fill in the blank.* We all make mistakes, & sometimes big ole honkin’ ones! If we didn’t, we wouldn’t need Jesus.