An Update About An Update & Lessons Learned

Recently I shared a personal update in this post.  I mentioned how I realized I needed to start taking more frequent breaks.  I even asked a good friend to monitor my Facebook group when I feel I need a break.  So, a few days ago, I asked her to monitor it for the first time.  I had yet another awful headache & figured what better time to take a break.  Spend the afternoon relaxing, watching tv, maybe crocheting, while staying away from the blog, group & anything related to narcissism.

 

Sounds good in theory.  In reality though?  I botched that one big time.

 

I spent that afternoon continually checking my group & blog.  I forced myself not to respond, but at I at least read what was posted.

 

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So much for a break.

 

Again, I haven’t been “practicing what I preach.”  I’ve been beating myself up over this.  I mean really- my group is amazing.  What could happen if I took the afternoon away from it?!  If someone needs support, other group members jump right in & support each other in spite of their own problems.  Same with those who read my blog- if people see comments by someone in need of information &/or support, they jump in.  My presence isn’t necessary 100% of the time.

 

I really hate that overdeveloped sense of responsibility.  It’s so annoying.  It’s also yet one more awful result of being raised by narcissistic, parentalizing parents.

 

What I learned from this experience is this…

 

  • Little victories should still be counted.  Like me only reading & not responding in my group that afternoon.  it still counts!  It’s a step in the right direction.
  • Victories can’t be had overnight.  Be patient with yourself when trying to make changes, especially to something as deeply ingrained as that overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
  • Old habits die hard, as the saying goes.  Keep on trying, & it’ll happen.  Maybe not the first time you try making that change, but it’ll happen if you keep on, keepin’ on.
  • Don’t beat yourself up.  Easier said than done, I know.  Just remember, you’re human.  That means you’re going to make mistakes sometimes.  It’s ok.  Things happen.  Just learn from those mistakes & move on.  Don’t dwell on how badly you screwed up when you did *fill in the blank.*  We all make mistakes, & sometimes big ole honkin’ ones!  If we didn’t, we wouldn’t need Jesus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

4 responses to “An Update About An Update & Lessons Learned

  1. Dear Cynthia! I enjoy so much to read your posts and I recognise the feeling of wanting to respond to a need the moment someone needs me. I have been thinking about what you mention on trying not to break down from an overwhelming load of work answering everyone very quickly. Would it be an idea not to write as many posts a week as you do? I would for sure read your posts still if there were “only” new posts twice a week or so.

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    • Thank you Maria! I really appreciate your concern!

      I actually don’t usually write my posts so often.. last year when I was recovering, I wrote a lot. I have enough post for 3+ months ahead of time so I can take breaks. I add more posts when I’m able, at my leisure now. Plus they publish automatically, so I don’t even have to look at the blog if I don’t want to. Figured this is a good way to get in breaks plus it can come in handy if I’m unable to write for any reason.

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      • Wow I am so glad to hear that Cynthia. I was a bit afraid to write what I did. I myself feel a kind of pressure not to be able to write as many posts as I wish to or to write more than I can manage. So I somehow spoke to myself here too

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