Talking About Narcissistic Abuse

When you begin to heal from the narcissistic abuse you experienced, you begin to talk about it.  This can mean your narcissist learns about it, & that is never pretty.  All narcissists seem to think their victims should stay quiet, never telling anyone of the pain they inflict.  Victims should simply take any & all abuse with a smile, never questioning or challenging the narcissist.  After all, this scenario is best for the narcissist, & that is all the narcissist cares about.

 

Talking about your experiences can be very difficult- friends & family may invalidate or abandon you, & it just feels so strange to discuss something that was supposed to be just between you & your abuser since you can feel as if you’re betraying her.  As difficult as it can be though, it’s especially when the narcissist gets angry with you for daring to talk, but do it anyway!  The narcissist gave you no choice when she abused you, so why should you give her the power to take away your voice?  This is your story & you have the right to share it if you want to do so.  Don’t let anyone silence you, not even your narcissistic mother.

 

Other Christians may point you towards Scripture such as  Proverbs 17:9 “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.”  (KJV), 1 Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”  (KJV) or even Exodus 20:12  “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” (KJV)  While these Scriptures are certainly valuable, they don’t really apply in this type of situation.

 

If you are discussing what happened to you in order to heal, there is nothing wrong with that.  How could there be?!  You just want to heal!  Seems perfectly normal to me!

 

If you’re discussing your experiences to help raise awareness of narcissistic abuse, you’re trying to help others.  Again, how could there be anything wrong with that?!

 

Even if you confront your narcissistic parent in the hopes of changing their abusive ways, this isn’t dishonorable when it is done in a respectful way.  Cussing the parent out, not good of course, but saying, “It hurts me when you ..” is perfectly respectful.  Love, God’s kind of love, wants what is best for people, & improving bad behavior of a narcissist is a loving thing.

 

If you feel you need to talk about your experiences, then never let anyone silence you.  Yes, use wisdom regarding who you talk with- avoid those flying monkeys who are close to the narcissist or those who are naturally invalidating.  But, if you feel you need to discuss your situation, do it!  Whether it’s only with a close friend or therapist, or even being so bold as to write your autobiography, do it!  God will show you what to do & how to do it.  You won’t be sorry!

 

 

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4 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

4 responses to “Talking About Narcissistic Abuse

  1. One of my sisters joined my online support group just so that she could post. She told the group that I was mentally ill and defended my mother as being innocent and saintly. When we tell the truth we strip away the lies and upset the family dynamic. But as someone once said, if you wanted me to say nice things about you you should have been nicer to me.

    Like

    • I’m sorry.. that is just ridiculous! Typical in narcissistic relationships though, sadly.

      I think that was Anne Lamont’s quote- I love that one! It helped me write my story. It’s very true too when you think about it. People will talk about you, good, bad or indifferent. If you treat people badly, how can you expect them to say nice things about you?!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. tamarayancoskymoore

    Great article!

    Liked by 1 person

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