I’ve been living with a sinus infection for longer than I care to admit. Finally it seemed to be improving some. It was wonderful not having a fever or sneezing & coughing every three seconds!
Then my narcissistic mother called.
As we were on the phone, I started coughing & sniffling more than I had in a while. Not that she noticed, mind you. By the time we hung up, I was feeling yukky. I checked, & I had a slight fever for the first time in a while.
Later in the day I mentioned this to my husband. He said “I’m not surprised. Her calls often leave you feeling bad.” I thought about it & he’s right. I often hang up from her calls with a bad headache, a backache or if I’m already sick, my symptoms get worse. It’s not a guarantee that every time I’ll feel bad, but it happens often enough.
Have you ever noticed if this happens to you too?
If it does, I would hazard a guess to say it’s normal. Years ago, I read somewhere that many people who have experienced trauma or have PTSD have lower back pain with no physical cause. In fact, 51% of people with PTSD fall into this category. If dealing with people who have caused you trauma can cause back pain, why couldn’t it also cause you headaches or exacerbating symptoms of an illness you already have?
Honestly, I haven’t found a way to avoid this from happening. Instead, I have decided that I have every right to avoid talking to her if I am not up to the possible physical problems it may cause me. It is my right to protect my physical & mental health.
The same goes for you too, Dear Reader. If your narcissistic mother makes you feel bad, either physically or mentally, you do NOT need to answer her calls or texts, or visit her if you don’t feel up to it. I’m not saying cut all ties- certainly that’s an option & often a good one for narcissists, but that decision is entirely yours. I won’t advocate going no contact or staying in contact,because no one should influence you on such an important & individual matter. That being said though, limited contact is a good alternative if you are unable to go no contact or unsure if it’s the right solution for you.
Limited contact simply means what it sounds like- limiting the time you spend with your narcissistic mother. Not answering her call every time she calls, not responding to her texts or emails right away & not spending a great deal of time with her- instead only doing so as you feel able to do so. This is the option I’ve chosen with my mother & although it’s not a perfect solution (no such thing exists, especially with narcissists), it works pretty well for the most part.
I urge you to pray about it, Dear Reader. If dealing with your narcissistic mother affects your physical & mental health, you certainly have every right to go limited contact with no guilt. As I said earlier, you have the right to protect your physical & mental health.