My entire life, I thought if something mattered to me, but not to other people, it wasn’t important.
I believe this stems from narcissistic abuse. Narcissists do their level best to convince their victims that nothing about them matters. Not their feelings, thoughts, desires, or even their health.
Amazing how narcissistic abuse seems to infect every single area of your life, isn’t it? It’s so insidious, that I didn’t even think about the fact I thought that what mattered to me should matter to others until recently.
Now that I realized there is a problem, at least I can fix it while sharing what I learn with you, Dear Reader.
To start with, I’m talking to God about it. It’s the best place to start that I know of. I asked Him, “What makes the things that matter to me less important than what matters to others?” “Are my desires less important than those of others?” He responded me by reminding me that no one is more important than another person. My wants, needs, etc. are just as valuable as those of other people. I matter! I also asked God to help me remember such things when I slip up, which no doubt will happen sometimes.
I think it’s also important not to beat yourself up when you slip into old, dysfunctional habits. I do that very easily simply out of habit, & it’s very unhealthy. It’s depressing & damaging to self-esteem. Rather than beating yourself up, why not just accept that you’ll make mistakes. No one is perfect, & mistakes happen, especially when trying to form a new habit. Shake it off. Accept that you made a mistake & try not to repeat that mistake.
When you realize you’re improving in this area, celebrate! Reward yourself for a job well done! How? That is up to you. At the very least, thank God for helping you & tell yourself you did a great job. Changing old mindsets & habits isn’t easy, so you should be proud of yourself for making the appropriate changes & allowing God to help you to do so!
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 