As I wrote about earlier today, our little family became a bit smaller recently with the sudden loss of our cat, Pretty Boy. Losing a furbaby is absolutely the worst part of having pets. It feels like my heart has been ripped out, to tell the truth. Not only because of my personal loss, but watching my husband & the other furbabies grieve is so incredibly painful too.
Thankfully, I’m surrounded by friends who love animals as much as I do, or at the very least, understand how much I love them even if they are not avid animal lovers themselves. They have been sending their condolences & praying for my little family, which is simply awesome. I’m incredibly grateful for them!
Unfortunately, not every single person in my life is this kind. My narcissistic parents come to mind. As of the time of me writing this post, they don’t know about Pretty Boy, & I hope to keep it that way for a while. The reason is they end up hurting me each time I lose a furbaby. My mother has said things like the one who passed is better off dead than with me as his or her mom, “at least you don’t have any sick ones anymore”, repeated a story about losing her cat when she was 14 years old, or simply ignored my loss. My father sort of tries to be comforting, but he has no idea how to. He has no empathy.
When you’re grieving, whether it’s losing a human or furbaby, you are especially vulnerable to the cruelty of narcissists. They know this, & that is why they attack at this awful time.
I want to remind you Dear Reader, & myself as well, that it is very important to protect yourself during such fragile times. There is nothing wrong with keeping a distance from narcissists when you are grieving. In fact, it is a wise thing to do to protect your mental health.
You owe them no explanation as to why you need time to yourself, either. Just state that you need some time to yourself, & if they insist on calling, texting, visiting, etc., ignore them. Don’t answer the phone or the door. That is your right! If later when you speak to them, they try to shame you for not answering their calls, etc., simply remind them you told them that you needed time to yourself & ignore the guilt trips! Easier said than done, I know, but it can be done. I’ve done it myself. By calmly stating that fact & ignoring the guilt, the narcissist may get annoyed, but sees that the tactic isn’t working, so usually he or she abandons it.
Also, narcissists don’t understand what it’s like to grieve. To grieve means you loved someone, which is something narcissists don’t do. This may mean they try to invalidate your feelings or shame you for grieving. Do not allow their poison to get inside you!! Just because they are unable to love someone enough to grieve a loss doesn’t mean you are wrong for grieving.
When you are in the throes of grief, it is especially important to take good care of your mental health. Do your best to rest often, do nurturing things that help you to feel better, eat healthy & avoid toxic people (especially narcissists). You need to do these things so you can go through the painful grief process, & eventually learn to live without that special person or pet.