How Accepting The Narcissist “As Is” Can Benefit You

One thing I have found to be very helpful when dealing with narcissists is to accept them as they are.  Accept that they are immature, competitive, envious, jealous, vindictive with no desire to change & will not hesitate to hurt you if it accomplishes their goal.

 

Accepting them as they are does NOT mean you have to tolerate their abuse, however.  You always have absolutely every right to protect yourself from any & all abuse!!

 

Accepting them does means you understand that the narcissist is this way, & you can’t change them.  You can’t even inspire them to want to change with good, healthy actions on your part.  The only hope you have of genuine change from a narcissist is God being able to get through to them somehow.

 

So why accept the narcissist as they are?  Because it can help you.

 

It seems to be a normal reaction for the victims of a narcissist to hope next time will be different.  Next time, she’ll actually care about me.  Next time, maybe she won’t be so critical.  This overly optimistic thought process only sets the victim up for disappointment.  Narcissists rarely change for the better, & when they do, usually it’s only temporarily to benefit them in some way.  (I believe with God, all things are possible, even a narcissist seeing the error of their ways & changing their abusive behavior.  However, from what I have seen, it seems to be a very, very rare occurrence.)  If you can accept that truth & accept the narcissist as she is, you won’t subject yourself for being disappointed when she doesn’t change, doesn’t apologize for hurting you, etc. You know what is coming, so you aren’t disappointed that this time wasn’t different.

 

Also, accepting the narcissist means you won’t be hurt so often.  You know they are a certain way, & you know what to expect.  Knowing such things means that their usual actions can’t devastate you like they do when they catch you off guard.  You know what is coming, & can prepare for it.  This is a good thing!

 

Dealing with narcissists is never easy, but there are ways to make it less painful & frustrating for you.  Accepting the narcissist is one of those ways.

 

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3 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Caregiving, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

3 responses to “How Accepting The Narcissist “As Is” Can Benefit You

  1. There is only one way for a N to truly change and that is for God to give them (and their victims) a miracle. That is what it takes and nothing else will help. Understanding and accepting this has made my life so much easier and more peaceful. I am almost at my one year NC anniversary and I think about my N and her enablers less and less each day. In fact, there are some days when I only think of them when I pray for their salvation. Accepting them as they are, accepting that they won’t change no matter what I do, has made it possible for me to live a better life.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. ibikenyc

    I worked for a time with developmentally-disabled adults.

    The skills I learned for doing so have been very helpful to me in dealing with “my” N.

    There’s a parable in 12-Step about a guy sitting next to a bunch of whirling dervishes who, when asked what he does about them, says, “I let ’em whirl.”

    Liked by 2 people

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