Why Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse Read & Talk About It So Much

Once you learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it becomes a bit of an obsession.  Everyone seems to do the same thing once they learn about it- they read everything they can get their hands on about NPD.  They join online forums.  They talk about it often.  Thankfully the newness does wear off some, they realize it’s not healthy to be so obsessed & they begin to take breaks where they refuse to think about it or their experiences with narcissistic abuse.  Even so, NPD is still a frequent topic of reading material, discussion & even thoughts.


Why does this happen?


I believe it happens because for one thing, there’s finally an answer.  Growing up with narcissistic parents, we’re told we’re the problem.  No matter what, it’s our fault.  If we could just do/be more, better, prettier, etc etc etc, they wouldn’t have to act the way they do.  Yet, when we do our best to be what our parents want us to be, it still isn’t good enough.  They still abuse us or they tell us they never wanted  that out of us, they wanted this instead & we are all wrong.  This situation creates a child who feels like a failure because she didn’t  fix things she isn’t even capable of fixing.  She feels the weight of the world on her shoulders.  As  an adult, learning about NPD, she realizes for the first time in her life that she isn’t the problem.  She isn’t the reason things were so horrible with her parents- her parents are the reason!  It’s incredibly freeing!  By reading about NPD often, it’s a constant reminder that she is OK & that she isn’t the awful person her parents said she was.


Unfortunately, the gaslighting & brainwashing of narcissistic parents goes incredibly deep.  Reading such information a few times doesn’t really cut it.  We have to read it & talk about it repeatedly to constantly remind us that we aren’t the problem.  In my situation, I have had moments of revelation where I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I’m not the one with the problem & my parents have always been incredibly abusive.  Yet, even so, I still have doubts about that sometimes.  I wonder if I’m completely wrong & they are right after all.  Reading about, writing about & discussing narcissistic help me to keep in mind the simple truths about them being abusive & I’m not to blame.


Dear Reader, if you are doing this, please don’t feel bad.  You’re simply a normal victim of narcissistic abuse.  I would bet all of us obsess to a degree over the topic.  Maybe not forever, but at the very least for a while.



Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

17 responses to “Why Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse Read & Talk About It So Much

  1. Your post remind me of the anger I have met from my daughter. She has accused me of problemazing her in her childhood and youth. I know I loved her but maybe I haven’t succeeded well enough to let it sink in deeply enough as I got hurt and humiliated many times by the way she would choose to speak to me many times. It’s sometimes hard to explain afterward when the pressure has gone from the situation. I have tried in different ways. So now I try to be less stirred if she repeats the hurt and I show her love by loving her children. Still it’s like a lot of wasted years


  2. Cindy

    Amen.Ty for all you do! I used to think my parents and inls were just stuck up…it goes much deeper than that!


  3. I am reminded of another thing which is that for years when I needed prayer at meetings and conferences it showed up again and again that it was the relationship with my father that was hurting even after I had left my abusing husband. It was like that was secondary. The scars left from my childhood determined my reactions which I wanted to change like to be more cool in situations


  4. Reblogged this on Blog of a Mad Black Woman and commented:
    Please comment on original post.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. From what I experienced, when I didn’t know what was happening I obsessed over it. Then when I needed to move on (as I was told by family and friends) I thought but just maybe this will change and obsessed even more. I think it’s the moment I realized there is no chance, a 0% can-guarantee-you-are-dealing-with-a-narcissist-and-narcissists-don’t-change chance, that I started to let go. And from what I’ve learned in support groups trying to help people is that even though many people are educated on narcissists, it’s not until you realize that ur part of that 0% chance do u decide it’s time to move on. I believe this awakening happens differently for many people. I wish there was one sentence, website, support group or article that brought everyone to this realization, I would shout it from the rooftops!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. radhikabanhatti

    Hello Cynthia, I was in the same cycle of trying to understand each and every small thing about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I was pretty much obsessed with it. But let me tell you where it will lead you…or might lead you. Atleast it has done for me. It will lead you to your own spiritual awakening. I know this might sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo to some. But trust me, if you keep on going down this path – you will end up finding your true self. And then trying to get rid of your true self i.e., in this Earthly human form and you will finally reach a point where you can start your journey to better things. A higher realm. I know I might be sounding crazy to some, like the abuse drove you to madness. But trust me, I am a fully functioning working adult mom. It’s just a sudden realization of things which will happen. And once it happens, it cannot be undone. Thanks for your blog-post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Doesn’t sound crazy at all to me! It’s wonderful that it has worked out so well for you! I think learning about NPD does just that for so many people. It’s so eye opening when you learn about it, & that it’s not you! I thank God for teaching me about it & helping me to escape the sick way I was living.

      Liked by 1 person

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