For some reason, I felt strongly that God wanted me to remind my readers of two facts that many children of narcissistic parents struggle with. I’m sorry this isn’t a new or unique word today. I firmly believe it is important, & something God wants you to remember though, so that is why I’m sharing it
Fact #1: Your narcissistic parents are NOT your responsibility. They are adults, entitled to make their own choices (even the bad ones). It is NOT your job to fix your parents or protect them from the consequences of their horrible behaviors. Your parents’ lives are 110% their responsibility.
Fact #2: While your parents have the right to live their lives their way, you posses the same right. You are entitled to live your life however you see fit. This also includes the right to protect yourself from your toxic, narcissistic parents. You are NOT being a bad son or daughter by protecting yourself from your parents or refusing to tolerate their manipulations & abuse. Tolerating abuse is never honorable, loving or good for either the abuser or the victim.
I know these two facts can be difficult to remember sometimes, Dear Reader, especially when you’re still in a relationship with your narcissistic parents, but you need to remember them! They will help you to refuse to accept the blame & responsibility for things that you shouldn’t accept blame & responsibility for. They also will help you to avoid falling for the cruelty & gaslighting of your narcissistic parents.
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 
all of this is true and right on. Thank you!
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Thank you! ❤
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Thank you for this I needed this today. Love and light
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You’re welcome.. & thank you! ❤
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Thanks. I don’t know you, but that is exactly what I needed to hear. Pretty weird how that works sometimes.
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You’re very welcome.
I believe what they say is true & God works in mysterious ways. He knew you & others who read my blog needed this message, so He put it in my heart to write it. 🙂
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Fact #1 was a big problem for me when I was still in the fog of abuse. My NM consistently made very poor decisions, especially about money and her health. I used to feel that it was my obligation to fix her messes and rescue her. But in reality that was not in her best interest or mine. Helping her to avoid the consequences of her actions (and I was not the only one in her life to do that) only led to her dependency on others for basic needs, to the parentification of her children, and to her perpetual victimhood. And it placed an enormous burden on those who rescued her, something she taught all of her children to do. In effect she transferred the consequences of her poor decisions onto us. And that is something that normal, loving parents don’t do to their children.
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Fact #1 is a big problem for so many of us with narcissistic parents. They do love putting their problems on others, don’t they? Especially their children. My parents always put their marital problems on me, even now when they’re speaking to me that is, & even though I stopped trying to fix things a long time ago. I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too. It’s completely wrong that anyone does such a thing but especially to their child.
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I looked after my NM for 13 years until she died. I could never understand why she made such poor decisions about her health. She appeared to listen carefully to what she was being told to do by doctors and nurses and then refused to do it when she got home. Her health really was bad, she had one problem after another and I lost count of the number of times I called an ambulance or a doctor for her. When they I arrived, I had to persuade them how ill she was. I knew she couldn’t even sit up, let alone stand and she would tell them she was alright and not in any pain! What was that all about? Unless it was the lack of control and indignity of being in hospital. Yet the other narcissists I know complain about every little thing to try and get my sympathy and attention.
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That’s very odd. My father is much the same way though. Ask him how he’s doing & he’s always “fine.” It seems weird since like you, other narcissists I know complain about every little thing to get attention. Maybe it’s the lack of control of being in a hospital. Or, they don’t want to look “bad” or weak by being sick. I really am not sure.
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There may be two dynamics at play. Narcissists love the attention they get when they’re sick and they love to talk about their medical problems. At the same time their egos cannot allow even the suggestion that anyone else has a better idea about what they should do. To act on the advice of others is the same thing to them as being controlled by someone else, ironic when you consider the lengths to which they go to maintain control over others. I saw this many times with my NM. She’d complain about being sick or in pain but had an argument about every suggestion we made and ultimately did nothing or did something useless or worse. This extended to everything in her life, including financial matters. She’s broke today because she refused to save for the future as we begged her to do. To me it seemed as though if a thought, advice, or suggestion didn’t come out of her brain it was unworthy of her respect. Narcissists cause mountains of pain to others but they truly are their own worst enemy.
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Thank you both for your replies. I see what you mean Suzanne about them not liking to be “controlled”/ being given sensible advice! I totally agree with you. They really don’t care about the worry and stress they cause others. My mother once said “I never thought I’d get like this.” I don’t think they believe they will get old and loose some of their control and when it happens they find it very difficult to cope with.
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