People Who Think They Have The Right To Tell You What You Should Do Regarding Your Narcissistic Parents

Some people will intervene when you have issues with your narcissistic parents.  They will try their best to make you feel guilty if you’re not speaking to them by saying your parent misses you, they are so upset that you won’t speak to them, they don’t know why you’re angry with them or say your parent is sick or elderly so you should end this no contact immediately & rush to their side.  If you’re still in a relationship with them but it is very strained, some people will tell you to fix it, to behave yourself, you need to respect your parent or try harder.


These people blindly accept what the narcissistic parent tells them as truth, while giving no thought whatsoever to whether what they say is actually true or not.  They simply accept the lies with no care to what the real truth is.


They are one of three types of people:

  1. Incredibly ignorant, genuinely fooled by the narcissist.
  2. Someone refusing to admit the narcissist isn’t the good person she portrays herself as.
  3. Abusers who get a thrill of abusing you along with the narcissist while maintaining the image of someone who isn’t abusive but caring.


These people, often referred to as flying monkeys, can be a real nuisance, quite frankly.  To those new to learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they are also dangerous.  They can make these victims feel as if they are wrong for protecting themselves, which can make the victim revert to old, dysfunctional habits.  To those of us who have known about NPD for quite a while, they are simply annoying, like flies on a picnic.  We know the truth & we won’t be manipulated by their antics, but they’re still annoying.


Flying monkeys can be dealt with.  The more devoted the flying monkey is to the narcissist, the greater your chances of losing a relationship with this person though, so just be forewarned of that possibility.


Always keep calm when talking with them.  Many flying monkeys are covert narcissists.  If you show them any emotional reaction, it will provide them with narcissistic supply which will make them continue pushing your buttons, making you more upset, making them want to continue button pushing & the cycle will continue.  Avoid this by staying calm in their presence.


Discuss nothing with them.  The situation between you & your narcissistic parent is not anyone else’s business.  You owe no one explanations for your behavior.  Don’t discuss the topic of your parents with them.  Change the subject.  Tell the flying monkey you won’t discuss that topic with them.  If they persist, tell them you aren’t discussing this topic, & if they continue, you will hang up the phone (or leave the room), then follow through on the threat if need be.


Never allow this person to convince you of anything other than the truth.  You were there.  You lived the situation.  You know the truth.  Don’t believe the person who says your narcissistic parent didn’t mean to hurt you, never said/did those things, etc.  Cling to the truth, & ignore their version of it.


Accept that the flying monkey believes wholeheartedly that they are right & you are wrong.  You can’t convince this person to see the truth.  Don’t waste your time & energy trying.  You know the truth & that is going to have to be enough for you.


If you cannot handle this person, you have the right to sever ties with them.  You have every right to protect your physical & mental health.  Some flying monkeys are incredibly toxic, & there is nothing wrong with you refusing to have them in your life.


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

14 responses to “People Who Think They Have The Right To Tell You What You Should Do Regarding Your Narcissistic Parents

  1. After I went no contact (going on 3 years!) from my narcissistic abusive mother I was shocked at the number of flying monkeys that came my way. Especially over social media it’s difficult. I agree with this list and I needed this today thank you so much 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lucky you, trippynikki! NOT! UGH, I’m sorry you had to deal with them! Remember the good thing about social media is you can choose who sees what you post! Blocking is a wonderful thing..

      You’re very welcome.. I’m so glad this helped you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so true I had so many flying monkeys with my Narcissist making me feel like i was the crazy one!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is good advice. Thank you, Cynthia.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for this. I am LC with my NPD mother but recently experienced this via her new best friend. I needed to read this as I got very angry and defensive but the guilt is so strong. My therapist tells me the guilt isn’t mine to carry but that’s a work in progress. X

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The christian culture is not just saturated with emotional reasoning, they are actually teaching hurtful ways to deal with abuse.

    One church I went to had a small group that was working through a book called _Inside_Out_. (I think the author is Gary Chapman, but I might be wrong.) It was “using scripture” to teach a postmodern, emotionalized approach to relationships.

    There was actually a chapter titled: “The Sin of Self-Protection.” I pushed back, but was raked over hot coals for daring to differ from this “loving” approach.


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