A Quote To Help You Heal & Cope With Narcissists

I am a fan of true crime stories.  Kinda dark & morbid maybe, but from a purely psychological standpoint, also fascinating.  I love learning how people think, what motivates them & what makes them tick, even the darker, more evil people.

 

Recently I was watching a story about a serial killer who killed his first & second wives plus a girlfriend.  The police weren’t able to catch him for many years.  One person who was a great help was a Texas private investigator named Gina Frenzel.  She claimed to be an investigator for an insurance company, & needed to take some pictures of the property this man lived on, as there was a fire on it some time in the past.  He allowed her to do so.  On another visit, he seemed to think they were friends, so they talked for hours.  One of the things he said struck me very interesting.  In fact, it may be one of the most insightful things about narcissism I’ve ever heard…

 

“As long as your ego is the main power in your brain, it is not going to let the spirit have equal power, equal time, anything.”

 

Doesn’t this make a lot of sense?!

 

Narcissists are all about their ego- protecting it & feeding it.  It’s so consuming to them, they have no thoughts for empathy, love or anything to do with other people.

 

When you consider your relationship with the narcissist in your life in relation to this quote, things will make so much sense.  This is why your overtly narcissistic mother said such cruel things to you- anything good about you might encroach on her precious & fragile ego.  If someone thinks you’re prettier or smarter than her, it would take away narcissistic supply.  This is also why your covertly narcissistic father wouldn’t protect you from her abuse- he had no room to consider your pain.  If it was discovered his wife was abusing his child, he might look bad for allowing it.  And, he’d lose the narcissistic supply of looking like the good, long-suffering husband.

 

Getting a deep realization of such things is going to help you in your healing so much, Dear Reader.  Narcissists, parents in particular, instill so deeply in their victims that everything is the victim’s fault.  My mother blamed my behavior for her abusing me.  She called it “tough love” & said she was “saving me from myself.”  My ex husband twisted everything around from him hurting me to me being selfish, wrong, no other woman was like this, etc.  I’m sure you can relate to such scenarios, can’t you?

 

These kinds of situations instill the belief in a person that all abuse is their fault.  It takes a long time to undo that sick, wrong belief.  One way to do it is to fully understand that the narcissist has issues that they want to put off on others.  Realizing the truth in this quote can help you to do that.

 

And, if you’re still in a relationship with your narcissistic parent (or any narcissist for that matter), this quote can help you to survive it.  Understanding that their ego is what is driving them will help you to take their cruelty less personally, thus making it hurt less.  Sometimes, the narcissist’s only focus is feeding their ego.  So much so that they may not even think about the fact they are hurting you.  Or, more commonly, they realize they’re hurting you & get a thrill from the power they have that they can hurt you.  Either way, their need for narcissistic supply is fueling their behavior.  It’s not because you have done something wrong or bad.  It’s not because what they say about you is true.  It’s only because they are so hell-bent on feeding their egos.  When you truly understand this, when you have a revelation on the truth of that fact, it helps their behavior hurt less.

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18 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

18 responses to “A Quote To Help You Heal & Cope With Narcissists

  1. Debbie

    Wow! So narcissists are suppressing their own spirit. That gives us a strong clue what to look for when assessing the difficult people in our lives. No wonder narcissists don’t have a better nature to appeal to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it??

      Like

    • ibikenyc

      Gosh is that incisive!

      You have a GREAT eye!

      Like

      • Isn’t it though?! I was impressed an obvious narcissist like this guy was had that kind of insight into narcissism. Granted, not what he called it, but that’s what it was. Felix Vale, I think his name was. Very evil, disturbing man, but to give the devil his due, had a moment of great insight! The PI who he said this to said he talked a lot of “nonsense.” That isn’t nonsense though! I’d love to know what else he said to her.

        Thank you! It was funny- when I heard that it just clicked in my lil mind how valuable that is. Took quite a while googling it to find the exact quote too. Glad I found it though!

        Liked by 1 person

        • ibikenyc

          I LOVE those true-crime shows and soak them up at every opportunity.

          Part of it is the science. It’s just fascinating.

          The main attraction for me, though, is all the insight into human nature and human behavior, especially as I learn more about in what ways and to what extent my dysfunctional FOO has influenced my very existence.

          I, too, found his insight chilling. I’d bet it’s due to unusual intelligence. Just what the world needs, more psychopathic geniuses.

          (Don’t recall having seen that particular show, but I’ll go look for it. Also, what an experience for that PI, my goodness!)

          Like

          • It is fascinating! Those are all reasons I find it fascinating too. 🙂 Well that & I have fun when I’m watching “Deadly Women” & hubby gets nervous thinking I’m planning ways to get rid of him.. Maybe then isn’t the best time to ask him if his life insurance is paid up to date?? LOL

            It might be.. he seemed quite intelligent.

            I think this is the video I caught online. It was 20/20 Investigates on the ID channel, by the way.

            http://www.usatoday.com/pages/interactives/gone/

            Liked by 1 person

            • ibikenyc

              I get cracks about that ALL THE TIME: “Whaddaya, plotting to get ride of me? I better watch OUT! You KNOW I think about that sometimes, right? You know all about how to get away with stuff.”

              And I sit here thinking, “Well, now that you MENTION it. . .” and about how the only ones we see on TV are THE ONES WHERE THEY GET CAUGHT. . .

              Like

              • Had to giggle at “Well now that you mention it..” LOL

                The good thing about the ones on tv who get caught is the rest of us can learn from their mistakes! 😉 Years ago, a friend of mine & I actually sat on the phone, watching some show & critiquing the woman who killed her husband. She made so many stupid mistakes! We kept saying things like, “Dummy! Don’t leave the syringe in the room!” “If I was going to do that, I would’ve done ___ instead!” lol

                Liked by 1 person

                • ibikenyc

                  OMG; I do that TOO!

                  (Alone, and with my 20-20 hindsight, of course; LOLOL!)

                  (I am struck by how all the motives boil down to either money or, uh, let me call it “a piece of tail.”) (Or, sometimes, both.)

                  Back in the internet’s infancy, one of the joke-type things that got sent around was one about “Advice To Yankees Moving South” or words to that effect. It was HILARIOUS (will seek a link in a minute, in case you haven’t seen it).

                  One of the only two I remember has to do with if you see a bunch of guys hanging out and one of them says, “Hey, y’all; watch this!” you should run as far and fast and hard as you can AWAY from him.

                  The OTHER one I remember reads, in essentially these very words, “Be aware that ‘He needed killin’ is considered a valid defence.”

                  http://www.cartalk.com/content/tips-northerners-moving-south

                  Like

  2. Debbie

    Whilst other people learn, adapt and grow, it seems to me that narcissists are stuck somewhere unable to progress. Does that make any sense?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Perfect sense. I heard once that sometimes when people experience trauma as children, emotionally, they don’t mature past that age. Narcissists seem to fit that description perfectly. I’ve often thought of my parents as teenagers in many ways even though they’re pushing 80. Sure, they may do adult things like pay bills, but when faced with an emotional situation, they respond like teenagers.

      Liked by 1 person

    • ibikenyc

      I feel that way, too, about “My” N; it’s like dealing with a highly-intelligent and very-clever two- or three-year-old OR a highly-intelligent and SUPREMELY-snotty fourteen-year-old.

      The way he reacts to things has me standing there, shaking my head, thinking, “THIS is how you deal with something?”

      Like

      • Yes!!! Amazing isn’t it?

        Of all the odd things, I just thought about my parents last winter. We got an unusual amount of snow, I think close to 20″ if I remember right. When I spoke to my parents before the snow, my mother said they were prepared. Then after the snow came, she was getting panicky. She said they only had enough food for maybe 2-3 days, & were running low on all their meds. I wanted to beat my head into a wall. Their street is often one of the very last to get plowed in this county. That was a LOT of snow which meant they were obviously going to be stranded for quite some time. The weather said it was definitely happening too- not “a 40% chance of 20″ of snow tomorrow”, it was a 100% chance. The smart thing to do would’ve been to prepare for being trapped at home for at least a week just in case, even though they were only trapped I think 3 days. I felt like I was dealing with a teen with that “it’ll never happen to me!” attitude. ARGH!!! How about acting like a grown up?! Dear Lord!! Funny part was my mother assumed we were about out of food too. I said no- we prepared for a good 2 weeks of being stranded. Although we’re on a snow emergency route, we also get plowed in- there’s always a wall of packed snow at the end of our driveway when it snows, so we prepare well in advance of snow in the forecast. She seemed oddly disappointed we were so well prepared.

        Liked by 1 person

        • ibikenyc

          So; uh; was the expectation / pattern that Somebody (ie: You) would freak out enough to help them in spite of their INSISTENCE on “No”?

          Mr. Happy just LOOOOOOVES to do that! I won’t bore either of us with a comprehensive list, but I’m to where I’ve just about accepted that I really AM dealing with a two-year-old going through The NOs!

          Ages ago I started just walking away from him when he begins to whine about stuff he could fix or — GASP! — prevent.

          As far as the “oddly disappointed,” yeah, well, Martyred much? I’ve known countless people who do / did that, including (particularly) my maternal grandmother: You were supposed to be the REAL idiot compared to whom she / they could feel Superior.

          (Don’t know where you are geographically, but I’m BUMMED that this “Storm Of The AGES” has turned out to be just a lot of [ha ha] hot air.)

          Like

          • That may have been the expectation, it wouldn’t surprise me. I just refused. My husband went over to help my father shovel against my better judgment. So once that was done, & my parents had their supply, they were happy & able to get out of the neighborhood.

            LOL A two year old going through the no’s. Yea, that sounds like a very good description!

            You know it. If I’d only not prepared they could’ve felt better about themselves & they could’ve rejoiced in the fact I’m a failure. *sigh* My parents love it when I fail or even am just sick or injured- I’m always to blame for those things. Even once in 2014 when my husband & I were splitting wood & he accidentally dropped a large log on my foot, that was my fault according to them. *I* should’ve been more careful, not Mr. Butterfingers here. Yet they wonder why I don’t call or visit..

            I’m in central MD. Snowmageddon is a joke here too.. lol We got maybe 1-2″ plus ice. The ice knocked out the power for all of 1 hour. Thankfully hubby’s not going to work because of the icy roads at least. How are things in your area?

            Liked by 1 person

            • ibikenyc

              Oh, dear! I have no idea why I didn’t see this until just earlier today 😦 I didn’t mean to ignore you.

              “Snowmageddon;” LOLOLOL!

              As soon as I woke up I could tell it wasn’t deep snow; the sound was wrong. Oh, well.

              We didn’t lose power.

              Well, I’m sure that, in YOUR mind, the log-on-foot WAS his fault (SARCASM).

              Like

              • lol No worries! 🙂

                You too with the snow huh? The weathermen sure hyped things up for nothing!

                Glad you didn’t lose power!

                LOL Well, you know, I’m totally unreasonable thinking the person who held the log should have had a good enough grip not to drop it on my foot. Crazy of me since it was entirely my fault for him dropping it on me! LOL I do love narcissist logic- it can be downright entertaining sometimes!

                Liked by 1 person

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