I am a fan of true crime stories. Kinda dark & morbid maybe, but from a purely psychological standpoint, also fascinating. I love learning how people think, what motivates them & what makes them tick, even the darker, more evil people.
Recently I was watching a story about a serial killer who killed his first & second wives plus a girlfriend. The police weren’t able to catch him for many years. One person who was a great help was a Texas private investigator named Gina Frenzel. She claimed to be an investigator for an insurance company, & needed to take some pictures of the property this man lived on, as there was a fire on it some time in the past. He allowed her to do so. On another visit, he seemed to think they were friends, so they talked for hours. One of the things he said struck me very interesting. In fact, it may be one of the most insightful things about narcissism I’ve ever heard…
“As long as your ego is the main power in your brain, it is not going to let the spirit have equal power, equal time, anything.”
Doesn’t this make a lot of sense?!
Narcissists are all about their ego- protecting it & feeding it. It’s so consuming to them, they have no thoughts for empathy, love or anything to do with other people.
When you consider your relationship with the narcissist in your life in relation to this quote, things will make so much sense. This is why your overtly narcissistic mother said such cruel things to you- anything good about you might encroach on her precious & fragile ego. If someone thinks you’re prettier or smarter than her, it would take away narcissistic supply. This is also why your covertly narcissistic father wouldn’t protect you from her abuse- he had no room to consider your pain. If it was discovered his wife was abusing his child, he might look bad for allowing it. And, he’d lose the narcissistic supply of looking like the good, long-suffering husband.
Getting a deep realization of such things is going to help you in your healing so much, Dear Reader. Narcissists, parents in particular, instill so deeply in their victims that everything is the victim’s fault. My mother blamed my behavior for her abusing me. She called it “tough love” & said she was “saving me from myself.” My ex husband twisted everything around from him hurting me to me being selfish, wrong, no other woman was like this, etc. I’m sure you can relate to such scenarios, can’t you?
These kinds of situations instill the belief in a person that all abuse is their fault. It takes a long time to undo that sick, wrong belief. One way to do it is to fully understand that the narcissist has issues that they want to put off on others. Realizing the truth in this quote can help you to do that.
And, if you’re still in a relationship with your narcissistic parent (or any narcissist for that matter), this quote can help you to survive it. Understanding that their ego is what is driving them will help you to take their cruelty less personally, thus making it hurt less. Sometimes, the narcissist’s only focus is feeding their ego. So much so that they may not even think about the fact they are hurting you. Or, more commonly, they realize they’re hurting you & get a thrill from the power they have that they can hurt you. Either way, their need for narcissistic supply is fueling their behavior. It’s not because you have done something wrong or bad. It’s not because what they say about you is true. It’s only because they are so hell-bent on feeding their egos. When you truly understand this, when you have a revelation on the truth of that fact, it helps their behavior hurt less.