2 Timothy 3: 1-5 “But understand this, that in the last days dangerous times [of great stress and trouble] will come [difficult days that will be hard to bear]. 2 For people will be lovers of self [narcissistic, self-focused], lovers of money [impelled by greed], boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane, 3 [and they will be] unloving [devoid of natural human affection, calloused and inhumane], irreconcilable, malicious gossips, devoid of self-control [intemperate, immoral], brutal, haters of good, 4 traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of [sensual] pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of [outward] godliness (religion), although they have denied its power [for their conduct nullifies their claim of faith]. Avoid such people and keep far away from them.” (AMP)
Many people today seem to have skewed views of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They don’t believe such a thing exists, because no one can be that bad or evil. Possibly they prefer to deny it so they aren’t forced to deal with such an ugly, evil aspect of humanity. Some believe it’s just a “pop psychology” term people use to blame others for their problems. Others think NPD is a serious mental disorder & those with it can’t control their abusive actions so they shouldn’t be held accountable. Or, they think narcissism is a rare thing. (Studies say NPD affects anywhere from 1-9% of people, but since narcissists rarely seek therapy & NPD isn’t well taught to counselors, I firmly believe the numbers to be much higher.)
When people share such uninformed views, it perpetuates the lack of knowledge & understanding about NPD. Narcissism & narcissistic abuse are serious problems in the world, & people need to understand that fact!
If someone shares a view downplaying narcissism, I would encourage you to show them what the Bible has to say about it. Show them 2 Timothy 3:1-5 above. You also can share the Scriptures below with them. Narcissism is clearly mentioned in the Bible. If that doesn’t stress that it is something important, nothing will!
- Psalms 36:1-3 “(To the chief Musician, [A Psalm] of David the servant of the LORD.) The transgression of the wicked saith within my heart, [that there is] no fear of God before his eyes. 2 For he flattereth himself in his own eyes, until his iniquity be found to be hateful. 3 The words of his mouth [are] iniquity and deceit: he hath left off to be wise, [and] to do good.” (KJV)
- Proverbs 16:18 “Pride [goeth] before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” (KJV)
- 1 Peter 5:5 ” Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.” (KJV)
- Titus 1:16 “They profess that they know God; but in works they deny [him], being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.” (KJV)
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 
This morning was tough. I *struggled* to do everything from getting out of bed to driving. I prayed for strength to get through the day and then had an idea that I should do a Google search to see if there were blogs or support groups for those recovering from narcissistic abuse. I realize what I thought was just an idea was really the Lord leading me to a safe place where I could get some more help and hope.
I’m 33 and am just coming to terms with the reality of my narcissistic mother. She’s always been vengeful, mean and nasty but, in recent months, has taken such a destructive turn for the worse. As I type this, we’re in the midst of a smear campaign that includes everything from lies to death threats.
Your blog is a God-send for me today! Bless you, bless you, bless you and thank you for being obedient to God and answering his call upon your life! I’m still in the *very* early stages of understanding the extent of the abuse. I bought two of your books (Life After Narcissistic Abuse: There Is Healing and Hope and It’s All about Me! the Facts about Maternal Narcissism). The area I’m struggling with now is forgiveness. I want to forgive my mother and have made a commitment to God that I will…but I still feel external pressure to ‘just do it’ even though I am nowhere near that. My counselor wants me to just focus on the understanding and unraveling of lies and abuse before we move on to forgiveness, but I feel the pressure from the church to just hurry up and forgive. Any advice?
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Hi there!
First off, I’m so very sorry for all you’ve been through & are still going through. Have you been documenting the death threats? That sort of thing is illegal & it’s a good idea to protect yourself by documenting it as much as possible just in case.
You’re in a rough place right now, just learning about NPD but it really does get better! I promise!
Thank you so very much for what you said! You are too kind! 🙂 People like you are why I write what I write about! (it sure isn’t because it’s fun..lol)
As for advice, while I certainly agree forgiveness is important, it seems to me that it’s not top priority. In my personal experience, it’s come as I’ve healed. I couldn’t just “let it go”. I had to learn, admit what was done to me was wrong & abuse, realize I didn’t deserve any of it, get mad, feel the anger & hurt, then forgiveness came.
I think a lot of Christians really don’t grasp forgiveness. They seem to think everyone should forgive & forget. The fact is, that’s not wise nor is it really possible for big issues like being abused. It took years to get you as angry & hurt as you are now- forgiveness isn’t going to happen overnight. It takes time to work through. I firmly believe God is glad you’ve said you will forgive your mother, & will help you to do so, but He won’t wave a magic wand & POOF! You’ve forgiven her.
I have a wonderful facebook group that you might want to join. No pressure, of course. I just think that the kind, supportive, caring people in there may be able to help you. Members are in various stages of healing, so it’s pretty cool- you can get tons of different experiences & viewpoints. The link is below if you’d like to check it out.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/FansOfCynthiaBaileyRug/?fref=nf
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Thanks for the advice, encouragement and the assurance it will get better!! I will sign up for the group and look forward to the support on this journey of healing.
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You’re welcome! 🙂
It really will get better.. it’ll be ups & downs of course but it’s still better than living in the dysfunction!
You’re in the group- I just added you.
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Check out Luke 17:3. The fact is that, especially in an abusive relationship, repentance is a big deal. A person who is willing to do these things to you and your reputation may never repent. In fact this kind of person usually doesn’t. It hurts almost as much to never have the pain acknowledged as it does to be hurt in the first place, because you have to mourn and realize there was never a relationship to begin with.
God grant you wisdom and strength!
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Nadia, I don’t think some people can comprehend the amount and level of abuse you have suffered and are still suffering. Maybe what you are doing is the best you can, in the way of forgiveness, in the circumstances. You’ve got 33 years of abuse to get over. I was going to tell you I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever forgive my mother. Then I realised that I wasn’t so angry anymore. It’s taken a long time. A few weeks ago I wondered why I was still so angry ( my mother died 2 years ago) and the thought came into my mind that God was angry too on my behalf. Concentrate on looking after yourself and accept your feelings as they are. Maybe forgiveness is sneaking up on me at the age of 61. God bless you.
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Thanks Angela. I’m learning that many people aren’t able to comprehend it. I sincerely appreciate your kind words and it’s encouraging to hear from someone who has been through the journey I’m just embarking on! I didn’t realize there is such a strong and large community of women like yourself who are healing, growing and thriving together. I do feel as though I’m doing the best I can and I’m realizing that forgiveness will come–not right now–but it will come someday. Thanks for the advice. I will be focusing on me and my walk with God. May He bless you too!
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